Who Framed Monkey D Luffy
by AMX
Summary: Parody of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Monkey D. Luffy is Oda Studios' biggest star. McKenzie Valiant is a pirate hating detective seeing hard times. When a murder occurs and Luffy is the prime suspect, can McKenzie help the one thing she hates most? R
1. Enter McKenzie Valiant

**Author's note:** A little while back, I was introduced to the movie _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_, and for some reason, this scenario popped into my head. It pretty much has the same plot, just with a few twists and new characters of course, namely _One Piece _characters. The _Miami Ink _guys also appear as the guys who hang out at the bar.

I don't own _One Piece_, _Miami Ink_, or _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_. They belong to their respective owners. Also, there are references to the owners of the 4kids company and the author of _One Piece _in this, but I shortened the names.

* * *

Miami, Florida. When most people hear this name, they think of sun, sand, and fun. Well, that's just the tip of the ice burg. A lot more than you know happens in this sunny city. In fact, there are some incidents that can make this sunny city not so sunny after you've actually witnessed them. 

Just outside of this city, there's a small village. Now, in this village, there lived not people, but pirates. Every last person that lived in that town was somehow involved with pirates. However, these people also had free access to Miami, and could come and go as they pleased. As a result, these pirate villagers got along just fine with the citizens of Miami.

However, on this certain day, in a certain studio, all was not at peace. And it was all because of a certain pirate in a straw hat . . .

One of the prides of Miami was the many studios that were fixed in the center of the city. They would hire certain actors and pirates and make shows from them.

One was 4kids Studios, where many jokes and gags were produced. However, some people criticized this studio because of its very bad habit of heavily editing their projects.

A few blocks away was Shamrock Industries. Nobody actually knew who ran this industry, but for some reason, it was always able to sell out a certain business, no matter what it was.

And then there was Oda Studios. This was where the insanity was taking place. The entire stagecrew was desperately trying to calm down a young teenaged boy. He had short black hair, and his clothes consisted of a red vest, a pair of jeans that went down to his knees, and sandals on his feet. But the dominant piece of clothing he had on was the hat. A straw hat sat atop the boy's head.

But there was something special about this boy. He was a pirate. And he came from the pirate village just outside of Miami. But there was something else: he had eaten a certain piece of fruit known throughout Miami and the pirate village as "Devil's Fruit," and it had given him the ability to stretch like rubber. And it was this ability that was allowing him to flail all around the stage, much to the dismay of the crew.

Then, just as soon as he had started, the boy stopped. "I'm hungry," he said simply, then went over to a table covered in food, leaving the entire stage crew gasping for air.

The director, Reginald R. Reginald, had had it. He walked over to the boy. "Monkey D. Luffy, what on earth am I going to do with you?" he asked the boy through gritted teeth. "Every time, it's the same old thing. You nearly trash the place, then you eat all of the food at my buffet table, and we barely get any footage!"

"Can I help it if I get really hungry?" asked Luffy, while piling more food onto his plate. "This bread's stale, by the way."

"I swear," said Reginald, walking away. "If you weren't such a hit, I'd fire you right on the spot."

This got Luffy's attention. "No, wait!" he yelled, running after the director. "Don't do that! I'll do anything you say! I promise! I don't even care if this bread's stale!"

As all this was happening, a young woman watched silently from a corner of the room. This woman was very frail, and very skinny from not eating a lot. Her dark brown hair was tied into a tight ponytail behind her head, and her dark brown eyes carefully witnessed everything that was happening. Her jaw was set in a serious tone.

"Pfft. Pirates," the woman mumbled under her breath.

Detective McKenzie Valiant _hated _pirates. After an accident that occurred a few years back, the young woman wanted nothing to do with them, and had slipped into a depression because of it. As McKenzie stuffed her hands into her pockets, a secretary appeared.

"Miss Valiant, Mr. Oda will see you now," said the secretary.

McKenzie silently followed the secretary to a small office, where a young man was seated at his desk, with his back turned away from the door.

"Sir, McKenzie Valiant is here," said the secretary.

"Send her in," said the man. McKenzie entered the office as the secretary shut the door behind her.

The man suddenly whirled around in his chair. McKenzie figured that Mr. Oda didn't look different from any other owner of a studio owner. "What do you know about Japanese animation, Miss Valiant?" asked Mr. Oda.

"Only that there's no animation like it," answered McKenzie. "None that I know of, anyway."

"Yes, there's none like it," said Mr. Oda. "There's also none more expensive like it. You've seen Luffy. He keeps freaking out on the set, messing things up. He's costing me a fortune. You know why?"

"Too much temptation from that buffet table?" asked McKenzie, smiling.

"Don't be ridiculous," answered the studio owner. "That's just Luffy for you. He's always going to be distracted by food. But even if he is a pirate, he's still susceptible to heart break, just like you or me. Read this." Mr. Oda handed McKenzie a newspaper.

McKenzie read the article on the front page out loud. "'Seen cooing over not-so-new love cook Sanji was Melanie Kahn, daughter of Al Kahn and girlfriend of Oda pirate star Monkey D. Luffy.'" She looked at the article and the picture for a few seconds, then tossed it back to the studio owner. "I'm not quite reading you here, Oda."

"I thought you were supposed to be a detective," said Mr. Oda.

"I _so_ don't have time for this," said McKenzie. She turned to leave.

"Look, McKenzie!" Mr. Oda called after her. "That girlfriend and that chef ofLuffy's are up to something. All I'm asking for are a few pictures to psych the guy up . . . "

"Forget it," McKenzie cut in. "I don't work in the pirate village."

"What's the big deal?"asked Mr. Oda. "Every Jane likes to take a visit into the pirate village."

"Then why don't you get Jane to do it?" asked McKenzie. "There's no way you could ever make me go into that town."

"Hey, take it easy," said Mr. Oda. "If you don't want to go, you don't have to go. Nobody's forcing you to. Now listen. I hear that cook works part-time at that one fancy restaurant, the Miami South Beach Special. Strictly Miami citizens only. What do you say, Valiant?"

But McKenzie was more interested in the small mini bar by the window.

". . .Well?" the studio owner asked again.

McKenzie walked over to the mini bar and started to fix herself a drink. "The job's gonna cost you a hundred bucks," she said while taking her drink. "Plus expenses."

"A hundred bucks?" asked Mr. Oda. "That's just ridiculous!"

"Not as ridiculous as this case!" responded McKenzie.

"All right, all right," sighed Mr. Oda, writing out a check. "You've got your one hundred bucks. Have a drink, Valiant."

"A little late for that," said McKenzie, walking over and taking the check. She looked at the amount. "You're fifty dollars short."

"Let's just call that fifty the treasure you get when you finish the job," said Mr. Oda, smiling.

"You've been hanging around pirates for too long," said McKenzie, seeing herself out.

* * *

As McKenzie walked away from Oda Studios, she slowly looked to her left and her right as she made her way down the sidewalk. It was the same picture as always. The usual Miami locals, making their way down the many different shops the city had to offer. Many pirates from the village were making their way through all the shops as well.

McKenzie kept walking. As she eyed all of the Miami girls, she saw that they all had one thing in common: they were showing off as much of their bodies as possible. She, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. Her attire composed of a gloomy gray long-sleeved shirt, with black pants. She didn't care if she was hot. As long as nobody had to see her skinny and wounded body, McKenzie was okay with it.

McKenzie also watched as car after very expensive-looking car zoomed through the streets. "What do you know," McKenzie said to herself. "We've got the best expensive car dealership around."

McKenzie finally made it to her office. What she didn't see was across the street, the most popular car dealership in town, "The Miami Red Car," was getting some updates. A big sign outside the building, "The Best Expensive Car Dealership Around," was being replaced with a sign that boasted the logo of Shamrock Industries.

"Hey, McKenzie," said a postman walking by. "How's life treating you?"

"Could be better," answered McKenzie. "What do you have for me today?"

"The usual," said the postman, handing the detective a pile of envelopes. For McKenzie, the "usual" were bills.

After the postman walked away, McKenzie started over across the street. A few shops away from the car dealership was the Miami Bar, one of the most popular joints in town. As McKenzie walked in, she threw the bills away in a trash can beside the entrance. She also noticed something else: there was no red convertible there today.

McKenzie opened the door and stepped inside. The usual customers watched as she came in. Five customers, in particular, who were sitting up at the front booth.

Now, these five guys didn't look very much alike. On the end was a tough-looking guy with a shaved head. Seated next to him was a Hispanic man with spiky black hair, followed by a short guy with dark hair, a tall man who was bald with some hair on the edges of his head. On the end, leaning against the counter, was a young Japanese man with spiky black hair and a nose ring. No, these five men didn't look alike at all. But there was one thing they all had: all over their bodies, mostly covering their arms and chests, were tattoos. Big ones, little ones, some pleasant and some not-so-pleasant. But they all had tattoos.

McKenzie thought it was strange. Whenever these five tattoo guys were here, their red convertible was always sitting outside. But it wasn't there today. Then she noticed that the tattoo guys didn't look very happy.

"What's up, Nunez?" McKenzie asked the Hispanic. "Where's the convertible?"

"Well, things have been tight at the shop lately," answered the bald man, Garver. "Somebody's been selling out all of the small shops, and they almost got to us. Some big company called Shamrock."

"No kidding!" said McKenzie, surprised. "Did they get to the Red Car?"

"They just did," said the short guy, Darren.

"We had to sell car," said the young Japanese man, Yoji, in his broken English. "Can't let them get to us, you know?"

"Oh, well," said McKenzie, taking a drink from the counter. "Here's to the big businesses," she said, holding up the glass. "May they all get stabbed with tattoo needles, huh?" But just as she was about to put the cup to her lips, a hand from behind the counter grabbed her arm.

"It's almost Friday, McKenzie," said a young man behind the counter. "Do you know what happens here on Fridays?"

McKenzie looked at the young man. "Chicken Special?" she asked.

"Be serious," responded the man. "You know that the big boss checks the records. If I don't get that money I lent you that week ago, I'm going to lose my job."

"Don't bust an artery, Deon," said McKenzie, handing him the check. "You've only got one left."

Deon looked at the check. "All right!" his face lit up. "Fifty big ones!" He paused. ". . .Where's the rest?"

"That, my friend, is only a snoop job away," said McKenzie. "You still got that old camera? Mine's at the shop."

"Would that be the pawn shop?" asked Darren. The five tattoo guys snickered.

McKenzie ignored them. "Come on Deon," she said. "You need fifty bucks. I need the camera."

Deon disappeared into a small room behind the counter, and reappeared with a small camera. He set it down in front of McKenzie.

"Please tell me there's film in it," said McKenzie.

"There should be," answered Deon. "I haven't taken it out since our trip to L.A. But that was a long time ago."

"Yeah, it was," said McKenzie, taking the camera and putting it in her pocket. "We should do it again sometime, huh?"

"Yeah, sure McKenzie," said Deon as a very fast car flew past the bar, leaving a very loud buzzing noise. Deon looked at the check. "This paper any good?"

"Just check the sig," said McKenzie.

"Mr. Oda?" asked Deon, looking at the signature at the bottom. "As in Oda Studios?"

"Well, what do you know?" asked the tattoo guy with the shaved head, speaking for the first time. "Who's your client, Detective of the Stars? Redbeard? That Ace guy?" He started to laugh.

"What'll you have, Ami?" asked Deon.

"The usual, kid," Ami answered. "So what is it, huh? Somebody see that Merman guy slinking around again?"

"Come on, Ami," said Garver. "Lay off."

"Wait, wait, wait. I know!" said Ami. "It's that one clown pirate. He's performing an illegal circus, and you're gonna put a stop to it." He then burst into laughter.

McKenzie lost her patience. She kicked Ami's stool out from under him and grabbed him by the collar. "Get this straight, Baldy," she said through gritted teeth. "I. . .do . . . not . . . work . . . for pirates." She then released Ami and left the bar in a huff.

Ami, a bit frazzled, picked himself up and sat back down at the counter. The five tattoo guys watched as McKenzie walked farther and farther away from the bar.

"What's wrong with her?" asked Yoji in his thick Japanese accent.

"A pirate killed her sister," said Deon, handing Ami his drink.

The five tattoo guys looked at the young bartender in disbelief.

Deon shrugged. "Drove a sword through her chest."


	2. Piano Bars and Patty Cake

McKenzie, still in a huff, made her way down a dark alley until she stopped at a small door. After looking to her left and right to make sure she was alone, McKenzie quietly tapped on the door.

A small slot in the door opened, revealing a bloodshot eye. "You got the password?" a deep voice rasped.

"Roger sent me," whispered McKenzie.

The slot shut. After a short delay, the door slowly creaked open. McKenzie calmly walked in past a hulking bodyguard and made her way down a small corridor.

At the end of the corridor there was another door. As McKenzie reached for the doorknob, she could hear the sound of piano music coming in from the other side. McKenzie hesitated for a second, then bracing herself, opened the door.

* * *

What McKenzie saw on the other side of the door looked no different from any other café in Miami. All kinds of people were sitting at little round tables watching the stage, on which two young people were battling it out with piano playing. Everyone else seemed to find it amusing, while McKenzie thought it was just really weird. 

As McKenzie was watching all of this, all of the sudden a young girl with bright blue eyes and curly blond hair squirt ink on the young detective's gray shirt with a pen.

McKenzie glared at the young girl, who was laughing her head off. "You think that's funny?" she growled.

"It's a panic!" responded the girl with a high chirpy voice.

McKenzie grabbed the girl by her shirt. "I bet that pen would look really good shoved up your nose!"

"Hey, hey. Calm down, okay?" asked the girl. "Look, the stain's gone." As she spoke, the stain on McKenzie's shirt vanished into thin air. "No hard feelings, I hope. I'm . . . "

"I know who you are," said McKenzie, releasing the girl. "Melanie Kahn. Daughter of Al Kahn, owner of 4kids Studios. The gag princess."

"If it's from my father's company, it's a success!" said Melanie. "Put 'er there!" she exclaimed, holding out her hand. As McKenzie took it, she recoiled as a mild shock flew through her body. "4kids hand buzzer!" said Melanie, showing the small gag. "Still one of our biggest sellers!" She started to laugh again.

McKenzie, however, was not amused. She sat down at a table next to the young 4kids Studios heiress. As a waiter came to take her order, McKenzie slammed her menu on the table without even looking at it.

"Dr. Pepper on the rocks," the young detective grumbled. As the waiter walked away, McKenzie remembered something else. "And I mean ice!" she called after the waiter.

She then turned back to Melanie, who was laughing at the two piano players getting dragged off the stage. "These stage shows are a hoot!" Melanie was saying. "Not a person ever gets to finish their act!"

"Right . . . " mumbled McKenzie as the waiter came back with her drink. "Thanks . . . " But as McKenzie went to take a drink, she noticed something odd about it. It was a Dr. Pepper on the rocks, literally. "Smart-aleck pirates . . . " grumbled McKenzie, fishing the stones out of her drink.

"I'd watch that mouth if I were you . . . " said a male voice from the other side of McKenzie.

McKenzie looked over, only to be looking face to face with a young muscular man with light green hair and three swords strapped around his hip. At his table were three other people, two girls and a boy. "Oh, here we go," said McKenzie sarcastically. "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bushido."

"Careful," said one of the girls, who had bright red hair and looked about McKenzie's age. "The only reason Zoro doesn't finish you off right now is because there are witnesses."

"Sure, Nami," responded McKenzie. "Whatever you say. So, what are you guys doing here?"

"We're waiting for Sanji to get off work," said the other boy seated at the table. He had very tan skin and curly black hair, but his most dominant feature was his long nose.

The other girl, who was much older and had medium-length black hair, just smiled.

All of the sudden, McKenzie heard a whoop behind her that sounded like Melanie. She looked back at the young girl only to see her blushing and very jumpy. "What's with her?" asked McKenzie, looking back at the others.

"Melanie never misses a night when the shitty love-cook is on duty," said Zoro.

Then, right on cue, a young man with blond hair and a tuxedo walked up to Melanie's table and whispered into Melanie's ear. Melanie squealed with glee and started to whisper into Sanji's ear.

"What did I tell you?" asked Zoro.

"I still can't believe that girl is the girlfriend of Monkey D. Luffy," said McKenzie, not taking her eyes off Sanji.

"I know," said the woman with the black hair. "Isn't she a lucky girl?"

All of the sudden, Melanie got up and, taking Sanji's arm, followed him out through a side door in the café. Without saying a word, McKenzie got up and followed them.

* * *

There was a small one-room trailer next to the café. McKenzie watched as Melanie and Sanji walked inside and closed the door behind them. The detective silently walked up and started to look in through the peephole. What she didn't notice, however, was the large shadow looming over her . . . 

"What do you think you're doing, chump?" McKenzie whirled around only to see the hulky bodyguard from before standing right behind her.

"Who are you calling a chump?" asked McKenzie. "Nice gorilla costume, by the way."

The next thing McKenzie knew, she was flying headfirst into a group of trash cans.

"Don't let me catch you snooping around here again!" she heard the bodyguard yell before he went back into the café.

It took a while for McKenzie to regain her balance, but she was finally able to stand up again and dust herself off. But as she turned to leave, she suddenly heard the voices of Sanji and Melanie through a nearby window. McKenzie climbed up onto a box and peeked in through a gap in the curtains, camera in position.

"I'm ready, Sanji," she heard the chirpy voice of Melanie saying.

"Not tonight, lovely," came the response in a thick Brooklyn accent. "I have a headache."

"But Saaaanji," whined Melanie. "You promised."

"Oh, all right . . . " said Sanji. "Just take off the hand buzzer this time . . . "

What happened next blew McKenzie away.

"Patty cake . . . patty cake . . . patty cake!" Sanji said, quietly at first, but then it got louder.

Among all of this, Melanie was giving off excited squeals and the occasional "Oh, Sanji!"

While this was happening, McKenzie was taking picture after picture. "You can't be serious . . . " she mumbled to herself.

"Patty cake . . . patty cake . . . patty cake . . . "

* * *

"Patty cake? Patty cake!" Luffy was screaming later, back in Mr. Oda's office as he rattled the blinds. "It can't be true! It can't be true, I tell ya!" 

McKenzie and Mr. Oda were watching. "Take comfort, my boy," said Mr. Oda. "You're not the first guy whose girl played patty cake on him."

"I won't believe it!" Luffy started to yell. "I won't believe it! I WON'T!"

"Believe it," said McKenzie. "I took those pictures myself, man. She played patty cake. With your cook, nonetheless."

Luffy started to flip through the pictures, which showed his girlfriend and his cook literally playing patty cake. "No, not Melanie," he grumbled. "Not MY Melanie! Not patty cake! It can't be! Melanie's my girlfriend! She's the love of my life! She's the core in my apple!"

"Better start taking the cores out," said McKenzie. "'Cause your cook's taking 'em now."

"Hard to believe," said Mr. Oda. "Al Kahn's been my friend for more than thirty years. Who would've thought his daughter would end up like this?"

"Somebody must have made them do it," protested Luffy.

"Drink this, kid," said Mr. Oda, handing Luffy a drink from the mini bar. "It'll make you feel better."

Luffy immediately took the drink, but it apparently made him feel everything _but _better. Right after he swallowed the whole thing, he was off. He started sailing around the room at high speed, his screaming so high pitched it broke all of the glass in the office, including the glass holding Miss Valiant's drink and the glass awards on Mr. Oda's shelves. Finally, he slammed straight into Mr. Oda's desk and stopped.

"Thanks. I needed that," he mumbled before his face fell on the desk with a THUD.

McKenzie shook the drink off her hands and cursed something under her breath. "Look, Oda. My work here is done," she said, turning to the studio owner. "How about my treasure, huh?"

"A deal's a deal," said Mr. Oda, handing the detective another check. He then turned back to Luffy. "Look, Luffy," Mr. Oda said to one of his most successful actors. "I know this seems hard right now, but it'll get better. You'll find other girls, right Miss Valiant?"

"Yeah, a good-looking guy like you?" chuckled McKenzie. "Dames will be practically breaking down your door."

Suddenly, Luffy came back to life. "Dames? What dames?" he asked. He then stretched his rubber arms out, grabbed McKenzie, and pulled her close. "Melanie's the only one for me!" the young pirate started to scream in the detective's face. "You'll see! We'll rise to the top again! We're going to be happy. You hear me? Capital H-A-P-Y!" Then without warning, he let go of McKenzie and turned toward what was left of the window. He stretched his arms out again and grabbed the bottom part of the window. "GUM GUM . . . ROCKET!" he yelled. And just like that, he shot out of the already broken window.

McKenzie and Mr. Oda just stared for a second, dumbstruck.

"My . . . that went well," said McKenzie, breaking the silence. As she said this, the blinds in front of the window crashed down onto the floor.

* * *

Luffy was across the street now. With big tears streaming down his face, he was looking at pictures of himself with his lovely Melanie. "Melanie . . . please tell me it's not true!" he howled into the night. "SAY IT AIN'T SO!"

* * *

Meanwhile, McKenzie had returned to her office. She was looking at the pictures of Melanie and Sanji. As she flipped through them, she found the other pictures that were on the camera. Most of them were of McKenzie and Deon during their vacation to LA. McKenzie smiled. Times were happy then. As she flipped through the happy time, she stopped when one certain picture came to the top of the list. It was of McKenzie and her sister. All of the sudden, big sad tears started streaming down her face. She then went to her refrigerator to get some comfort food. 

On the other side of McKenzie's desk, there was a chair. This chair had not been moved in a while, and dust was collecting on it. Across the back in big white letters were the words: MCKINZIE VALIANT. Scattered atop McKenzie's desk were assorted articles about McKenzie and McKinzie, and all of the pirate cases they had solved together. There were also many old pictures of the sisters doing all sorts of humorous and exciting things.

But things were never going to be like that again. McKinzie was gone. There wasn't anything anyone could do about it. But even so, McKenzie was having a hard time dealing with it.

* * *

Pretty soon, it was morning. McKenzie was asleep, her head on the desk. A large glass and an empty bowl lay in front of her. 

Suddenly, a woman walked into McKenzie's office. She looked quite old, but everyone knew that if you said that to her face, she'd kick your ass. The woman's heels clicked across McKenzie's floor until she was behind the desk. Sunlight was coming in through the window and it shone off the woman's purple and yellow jacket and matching pants. The woman picked up the glass on McKenzie's desk and, without warning, dropped it on the floor with a loud CRASH!

This got McKenzie's attention. She woke up with a start and sat straight up. McKenzie looked at the woman and groaned. "What do you want, Dr. K?" she asked groggily.

"What do you think?" asked Dr. K, handing McKenzie two pills. The pills were supposed to help McKenzie with her depression.

"_What's the point?_" thought McKenzie. "_They don't work._" She walked over to her sink to get a glass of water.

"My, my," said Dr. K, picking up one of the photos of Melanie and Sanji. "I didn't think you'd stoop this low, McKenzie. You could have asked me for some money."

McKenzie took a swig of water and swallowed the pills. "I don't need anything from you," she grumbled. "Sue me. I took a couple of dirty photos."

"I already have a stiff on my hands, thank you!" Dr. K shot back.

"What are you talking about?" asked McKenzie.

Dr. K's jaw set into a stiff frown. "Al Kahn was found this morning with a sword wound through his throat. He's dead, McKenzie."


	3. Judges, Ballerinas, and Wills

A few minutes later, Dr. K was driving McKenzie to 4kids Studios, since McKenzie didn't have a car.

"Thanks," McKenzie muttered as she got out of the car. She silently watched Dr. K drive away, then turned in the other direction. The pirate village could be seen from 4kids Studios, and it made her a little uneasy.

"What's your problem?" another female voice asked. McKenzie turned to see Lieutenant Selene walking toward her.

"It's just that I haven't been this close to the pirate village for a while now . . . " said McKenzie, her voice trailing.

"Come on, McKenzie," said Selene. "We'd better get this over with." And with that, the two girls made their way into the factory. McKenzie was very reluctant though. She did not want to see this.

* * *

What the two girls saw when they got inside was a big storage room. Right in the middle was the body of the late Al Kahn. Blood was covering his neck, confirming his injury. McKenzie cringed. This was all too familiar for her.

A few feet away was a very hysterical Melanie Kahn. When she saw McKenzie, she quickly ran up to the detective and started bawling even harder, burying her face into McKenzie's shoulder. McKenzie hesitated for a second, then slowly wrapped her arms around the crying girl.

"Just like a pirate to slit somebody's throat, huh?" asked Selene. "You'd better wait here, Valiant." She then walked over to some policemen who were messing with various items in storage.

"Can you tell me how this happened?" McKenzie softly asked Melanie.

"Yes . . . no . . . I don't know!" Melanie sobbed. "I had just woken up and noticed he was missing, and when I checked in here, there he was!" Melanie's mascara was mixing with the tears streaming down her face. "I just couldn't believe it. My poor father!" She then started to cry some more.

McKenzie suddenly turned to a policeman who seemed to be picking something up with tweezers. "What's that?" she asked him.

"Thread from the rubber pirate's vest," the policeman simply.

"_Rubber pirate?_" McKenzie thought, at first not getting it. Then her eyes widened in realization. "_It couldn't have been . . . _"

"Hey, McKenzie."

McKenzie turned around . . . only to get a swift kick in the face that knocked her to the ground.

"I hope you're real proud of yourself," said Sanji. "And those stupid pictures you took." He then stormed off, very angry.

McKenzie looked behind where Sanji had been standing. Zoro, Nami, the boy with the long nose, Usopp, and the girl with the long black hair, Robin, were there too. Zoro, Nami, and Robin walked away in silence. Usopp was about to, but then he turned back and helped McKenzie up.

"Sorry!" he whispered before he ran off to catch up with the others.

At this point, Kahn's body had been put under a sheet was being wheeled off in a stretcher by two policemen. But while they were pushing the stretcher, they accidentally bumped a few boxes, sending the contents of one box, a bunch of sandals, scattering to the ground. The policemen frantically started to pick up the sandals, but in the process, bumped Kahn's body by accident. Kahn's arm slipped out from under the sheet, and something dropped from his hand.

McKenzie let go of Melanie and bent over to see what the object was. But just as she was about to pick it up. . .a black and white striped shoe slammed down onto her hand.

McKenzie winced against the pain. She looked up to see somebody else. The man was wearing a black suit with gold trimming, and his black hair was slicked back on his head. The light in the room reflected off his glasses, which he adjusted with his palm.

The man looked over to Lieutenant Selene. "Is this woman removing evidence from the crime scene?" he asked in an eerily calm voice.

Selene walked over. "Uh . . . no, Judge Klahadore," she stammered. "Miss Valiant was just picking it up for you. Right, McKenzie?"

Judge Klahadore finally took his foot off McKenzie's hand, allowing her to stand up. "Hand it over," he ordered.

"Sure thing," said McKenzie, grasping the judge's hand. A quick buzzing sound filled the storage room, and Klahadore's body went rigid. McKenzie held up her hand to reveal a 4kids hand buzzer. "Their number one seller," she said simply.

A small smile appeared on Melanie's face. Her father had loved that joke just as much as she did.

Klahadore, however, didn't look amused. He looked angry for about a second, but then his face immediately grew calm again. He took the buzzer from McKenzie. "I see working for a pirate has rubbed off on you," he said.

"I don't work for pirates," McKenzie responded. "I was working for Mr. Oda."

"Ah, yes," said the judge, adjusting his glasses again. "We talked to him. He said that the rubber pirate became quite agitated when he saw the pictures of his girlfriend and cook. The pirate said that one way or another, he and his girl would be happy. Is that true?"

Melanie bowed her head in shame, and nervously shuffled her feet.

"What do I look like, a stenographer?" asked McKenzie.

"McKenzie Valiant, shut your mouth," said Lieutenant Selene. "This man is in charge."

"No, that's quite all right, Lieutenant," said Klahadore, looking at McKenzie's bloodshot eyes. "From the looks of things, I'd say that was the depression talking. It doesn't matter. My right-hand man will find him."

Then, as if on cue, another man walked-or rather, _moon_walked- into the storage room. He had a long dark blue coat on and a matching hat. When he turned around, the three girls saw that the man had heart-shaped sunglasses on.

"Did you find the pirate, Django?" asked the judge.

"Not yet," said Django. "But I've got scouts all over the city. They'll find him."

Klahadore turned back to McKenzie, who was exchanging a confused glance with Melanie. "Do you have any idea where the pirate is, Miss Valiant?"

"Have you tried Rogue Town?" asked McKenzie. "Drum Island? I hear Alabasta's lovely around this time of year." Melanie snickered.

Klahadore's eyes narrowed. "I don't think you understand, Miss Valiant. A man has been killed by a pirate. Do you not realize the magnitude of that?"

The judge then looked down and saw a sandal that had fallen from one of the crates. He slowly picked it up and began to walk near Django.

"How the heck did this guy become a judge?" McKenzie whispered to the other two girls.

"Spread a bunch of Berries around the pirate village a few years back," the lieutenant responded. "He bought the election."

"I see," said McKenzie. She then saw the giant barrel that the two men were carrying in. "What's that?"

Klahadore threw the lid off and revealed a green liquid inside the barrel.

"What's that?" McKenzie asked again.

"Remember how people thought it was impossible to kill a pirate?" asked Selene. "Or at least one without Cursed Fruit powers? Well, Klahadore found a way. Turpentine, Acetone, Benzene, and Seastone. He calls it 'the Dip'."

As Selene talked, Klahadore slowly began to lower the sandal into the Dip. "I'll find that rubber pirate, Miss Valiant," he sneered. "And when I do, I'll try him, convict him, and _execute _him."

As Klahadore spoke, the sandal was now submerged in the Dip, and it was slowly dissolving. Melanie looked away, while Selene fixed her gaze to the floor.

"Geez . . . " was all McKenzie could mumble.

"That's one dead shoe, huh?" asked Django.

"This is how we handle things in the pirate village, Miss Valiant," said Klahadore, ignoring Django. "And from what I've heard, you of all people should appreciate that."

* * *

But McKenzie most certainly did _not _appreciate it. At least, not like that. The whole scenario kept playing over and over in her mind as she walked back to her office.

But when she actually got back to her office, the scenario was the least of her worries, because standing outside her office door was one of the most queer-looking people that McKenzie had ever laid eyes on.

The man looked a few inches taller than McKenzie, but that wasn't the weird part. He was wearing a blue ballerina outfit, with ballet shoes, and a weird pink coat with two swan heads and wings sticking out of the back. And, to add to the craziness, the guy was wearing _makeup_.

"If you're looking for the bar, it's across the street," McKenzie said to the guy.

"What?" asked the man, turning toward McKenzie. The detective grimaced a little, because the man's voice sounded like that of a black drag queen. "I'm not here to perform at any bar," said the man, walking toward the detective. "You're McKenzie Valiant, right?"

"Yeah . . . " said McKenzie, taking a step back.

"The name's Mr. 2," said the man. "I want to talk to you about the Kahn murder."

"_Word travels fast . . . _" thought McKenzie.

"Listen, kid," continued Mr. 2. "Everyone's thinking that Luffy killed Kahn. But that's not true. The kid's not a murderer. At least not on purpose. I should know. I know the guy pretty well."

"_In what way?_" thought McKenzie, staring at the man's strange taste in attire.

"I tell ya, Valiant, the whole thing's crashed like a crummy ballet," said Mr. 2. "Just get a load of this." He paused to hand McKenzie a newspaper. "It says right there in black and white that Kahn didn't write a will. Well, that's a load of self-righteous BS. Every pirate with half a brain knows that Kahn indeed wrote a will. He promised us all that he would leave the pirate village to the pirates. That will is the reason he was bumped off!"

"Has anyone ever actually seen this will?" asked McKenzie.

"Nope," said Mr. 2. "But he gave us all his solemn vow."

"And you actually think that man could do anything solid?" asked McKenzie. "The joke's on you, Swan Boy. You _are _a boy . . . right?"

Mr. 2 ignored this comment. "I just figured since you're the one who got my friend into trouble, you could get him out of it. I've got money."

This angered McKenzie. How dare a pirate ask her to work for him . . . or her . . . or whatever. "Save your money and buy yourself some real clothes," she grumbled, pushing her way past Mr. 2. As she went to enter her office, she glanced over, only to see Mr. 2 dancing down the hallway in a huff.

* * *

McKenzie sat down at her desk after getting herself a soda from the refrigerator. "Not my fault the kid got himself in trouble," she said, taking a sip of her soda. "All I did was take a few photos . . . " her voice trailed off, looking at one of the pictures. But then she noticed something. She grabbed her magnifying glass and focused on the lower left hand corner of the picture, on Melanie's pocket. An envelope was sticking out of it, and in big bold letters were the words: LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT.

"He wasn't completely crazy," McKenzie muttered. "Aw, to heck with it."

McKenzie then made her way to the other side of her office, and opened up some drawers, revealing a foldout bed. Without thinking, she got in and rolled over onto her side . . . only to come face to face with a pair of wide-eyed brown eyes.

McKenzie screamed and jumped out of her bed, and so did the other person. It was then that McKenzie Valiant was face-to-face with a certain young boy wearing a red vest, jeans, sandals, and a straw hat.


	4. Wills and Won'ts

"How the heck did you get in here?" McKenzie screamed at Luffy.

"Through the window," said Luffy. It was then that McKenzie noticed that the window behind her desk was wide open. "I thought it would be better to wait here, considering I'm wanted for murder."

"No kidding!" grumbled McKenzie. "If anyone even sees me talking to you, I'm done for." Then she stopped. "Hold on . . . does anyone know you're here?"

"Nope," said Luffy, climbing up onto McKenzie's bed. Then his brow furrowed. "Well . . . "

"Who?" asked McKenzie, trying to keep her patience.

"Well," Luffy explained, "I didn't know what your address is, so I asked this postman. He didn't know. Then I asked a grocer, a policeman, and a guy on a motorcycle, but they didn't know either. But then I talked to these guys with tattoos at the bar across the street." He paused. "They knew."

"So, in other words, the whole city knows you're here?" McKenzie asked through clenched teeth.

Luffy nodded.

McKenzie lost her temper. She grabbed Luffy, opened her door, and proceeded in trying to kick the rubber pirate out. "GET OUT!" she screamed over and over again. But it was no use. Luffy had latched his hands onto the door frame, and McKenzie's pushing only made his body stretch out even longer.

"McKenzie, please!" pleaded Luffy as the detective pushed. "Don't throw me out. You've got the wrong pirate!" By this time, McKenzie had grabbed onto Luffy's ankles, and was trying to pull him out of the door. But Luffy kept his grip on the inside of the door frame.

"I didn't kill anyone, I swear!" the rubber pirate continued. "This whole thing's a set-up! I never hurt anyone without a good reason, McKenzie!" Luffy was trying to get a better grip on the door frame, but he was beginning to slip. "My whole purpose in life is . . . to become . . . King of . . . THE PIRATES!" All of the sudden, McKenzie lost her footing, sending Luffy and herself sailing back into the office. The detective landed in a heap at the back of the office, while Luffy landed on the bed.

"Okay, I'll admit that I got a little angry when you showed me the pictures of Melanie and Sanji," he said, standing up on the bed. "So I ran down to the Miami . . . "

He had to pause so he could jump over McKenzie, who had gotten up and was diving at him. However, McKenzie completely missed and landed on the other side of the bed.

". . .South Beach Special," finished Luffy. "But Melanie wasn't at the little room next to it like she usually is, so I wrote her a love letter."

McKenzie got up. "Hold it!" she yelled. "You mean to tell me that in your fit of jealousy, you wrote your girlfriend a love letter?"

"Yep!" said Luffy with a big grin on his face. "I knew that she and Sanji were just innocent victims of circumstance."

"I bet you used the old lipstick on the mirror routine, huh?" asked McKenzie.

"Lipstick, yes," said Luffy. "Mirror, no. I found a nice clean piece of paper." He then took out a piece of paper, splattered in lipstick. "'Dear Melanie,'" he read aloud as he began to jump on the bed. "'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand, four . . . '"

"Why didn't you leave the letter there?" interrupted McKenzie.

"I wanted to see the look on her face when she got it . . . " Luffy began, but he had to pause as McKenzie pushed her way past him. ". . .So I went home to wait for her, but that guy with the heart glasses and these goons were waiting for me! So. . .I ran."

"Then why come to me?" asked McKenzie. "I'm the one who took the dang pictures of your girlfriend and cook!"

Luffy began to look at all of the articles on McKenzie's desk. "Yeah, but you've helped out so many pirates," he said as he read all of the articles. "Everyone knows that when a pirate's in trouble, there's only one place to go: Valiant & Valiant."

"Not anymore," mumbled McKenzie. She then turned around . . . only to find Luffy about to sit in the dusty old chair opposite from hers. "GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR!" she screamed at the rubber pirate. Luffy immediately stood back up. ". . .That's my sister's chair," McKenzie said in a quieter tone.

"Yeah, where is your sister?" asked Luffy, looking at a picture of McKenzie and McKinzie. "She looks like a sensitive and . . . _healthy _fellow," he said, looking at McKenzie, then back at the picture. "Come to think of it, you look a lot skinnier now than in this picture . . ."

"That's it, I'm calling the cops," grumbled McKenzie, picking up her phone.

Luffy looked mad. "Fine, go ahead!" he said. "Call the cops! I come to you for help, and what do you do? You turn me in. Well, see if I care! Don't feel guilty about me!" He then opened a door. "Thanks . . . for nothing!" he called behind his shoulder. He then slammed the door behind him, sending a few papers falling from McKenzie's desk.

"That's the closet!" hissed McKenzie. "Retard." She walked over to the closet and opened the door, but when she peered inside, there was nobody there. Suddenly, Luffy appeared from inside a coat hanging on the door.

"McKenzie Valiant, you're under arrest!" said the rubber pirate, slapping a handcuff on McKenzie's wrist. "Hee hee hee hee . . . " he laughed, a big grin on his face.

"Get out of there!" said McKenzie, dragging Luffy out of the closet. "I don't have keys for these," she said, pointing to the cuffs. The other cuff was on Luffy's wrist.

Suddenly, a siren was heard from outside. Luffy panicked. He ran across the room to the window, dragging McKenzie behind him.

Luffy and McKenzie watched as Django and a few lackeys piled out of the van. "Let's go! Get the lead out! Move it!" Django was shouting at the others.

"Yikes!" said Luffy. "It's the Black Cat Patrol!" He ran over to the bed and dove under it, almost knocking McKenzie over. However, the bed shot up and folded back into the wall. Luffy then tried to hide in McKenzie's chest of drawers, making the detective hit her head. "You never saw me," whispered Luffy from the top drawer.

"Get out of there!" yelled McKenzie, taking Luffy out of the top drawer.

"McKenzie, don't let them find me!" Luffy pleaded. "You're my only hope!" He looked close to tears.

"_Is he really scared . . . ?_" thought McKenzie. She was interrupted by someone banging on her door.

"Open up in the name of the law!" Django yelled.

"Please, McKenzie," said Luffy. "There's no justice for pirates. If they catch me, I'm as good as dipped."

"Don't make us wait, Valiant," said Django. "We just want the pirate."

"What are we gonna do, McKenzie?" asked Luffy. "What are we gonna do?"

"What do you mean 'we'?" asked McKenzie. "They just want the pirate."

All of the sudden, the doorknob was shot out of the door with a gun. This allowed Django and the goons into McKenzie's office. The only problem was that the office looked empty.

"Looks like they gave us the slip, huh Boss?" one goon asked.

Django looked over and saw McKenzie sitting in a chair. "Nah, Valiant's got him stashed somewhere," he said, walking over to the detective. When he was right next to her, he took out one of his trademark rings and held it to her head. "Stop right there," he hissed.

There was a basket of laundry in front of McKenzie, and her hands were in it. McKenzie turned to Django. "Oh, hello boys," she said, a phony smile on her face. "Didn't hear you come in."

"Where's the pirate, wise gal?" asked Django.

"Haven't seen him," McKenzie responded.

Django looked at the laundry basket. "What's in there?" he asked.

McKenzie pulled out a bra. "Lingerie," she said.

Django's face went bright red. "Uh . . . see you, Valiant," he mumbled, turning away. But just as he did, Luffy's head peeked out from beneath the laundry. McKenzie quickly shoved Luffy back under as Django turned around and gave the detective a suspicious look. He turned to the goons.

"Search the place, boys," he said. He then turned back to McKenzie. "Look kid. We know the pirate's here. We've had witnesses confirm it. So cut the bullschtick."

"You keep talking like that, and somebody's gonna have to wash your mouth out," said McKenzie, shoving a sock into Django's mouth with her free hand. Django fell over backwards as Luffy peeked his head out again. Around the office, the goons began to laugh at Django's misfortune.

"Stop that laughing!" Django barked as he got up. He then walked around the room and gave each goon a whack. Luffy ducked back into the basket. "You know what happens . . . when you can't . . . stop laughing," he said as he whacked each goon. "One of these days, we're all gonna die from laughing." He walked back over to McKenzie. "As for you, step out of line and I'll hang you and your laundry out to dry. Let's get out of here, boys."

McKenzie watched as the men left her office. "They're gone," she murmured when she knew it was safe.

Luffy jumped out of the laundry basket. "Wow, McKenzie!" he said. "You saved my life! How can I ever repay you?" Then, without thinking, he wrapped his arms around McKenzie and gave her a big kiss.

McKenzie struggled until she was finally able to get Luffy off. "For starters, don't ever kiss me again," she said, wiping the spit from her mouth.

* * *

A few minutes later, McKenzie was headed toward the bar, Luffy hidden under her coat. Luffy was making things difficult by trying to stick his head out. It also didn't help that the two were still handcuffed together. "Deon! DEON!" McKenzie called as she entered the bar.

"Hey, McKenzie!" called Darren. "You made the front page today!"

"Yeah, I guess I made some ink today," McKenzie responded.

"What ink?" joked Garver. All five tattoo guys started laughing.

Meanwhile, Luffy finally got his head free. "Wow McKenzie! That . . . " He didn't have time to finish because McKenzie stuffed his head back down, and now there was a big bulge in the back of her coat.

"So McKenzie," said Deon. "Is that a pirate in your coat, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Cut it," said McKenzie. "I've had a very hard day. Just get me out of these cuffs."

"Oh joy," said Deon, leading McKenzie and Luffy into a secret back room.

Luffy was glad when McKenzie finally took her coat off. "They almost killed me, McKenzie!" he exclaimed as Deon turned on the lights. "Hey, where are we?"

"It's a rough gut room," Deon simply answered. "Here are the tools, McKenzie."

McKenzie took a metal tool box from Deon. All of the sudden, Luffy went sailing across the room, dragging McKenzie and almost knocking Deon over. "Wow, a fire hose!" said Luffy, spotting it on the wall. "This is a great place to hide!" He then looked through two holes in the wall, which turned out to be peepholes.

"Crazy pirate," grumbled McKenzie, getting up.

"Yeah, what's with that?" asked Deon. "I thought you said you weren't taking another pirate case. Have a change of heart?"

"Nothing's changed," said McKenzie, beginning to saw at the handcuffs. "Somebody's making a fool of me, and I want to know why." She turned to Luffy. "Can't you hold still for ten seconds?"

Luffy looked at McKenzie, then silently _slipped his hand out of the cuff_. "How's that?" he asked, moving in front of McKenzie.

"Great. Thanks . . . " McKenzie began. Then she looked up at Luffy and stopped sawing. Luffy hurriedly put his hand back in the cuff. "Do you mean to tell me that you could've taken your hand out at any time?"

"Uh . . . no," said Luffy. "Only when it's funny." He took his hand out again, sat down on a swivel chair, and began to spin. "Come on, McKenzie! Don't you have a sense of humor?"

"Is he always this funny, or only on days when he's wanted for murder?" asked Deon.

Luffy stopped spinning and leaned forward. "Listen, one of my philosophies is this: If you don't have a sense of humor, you're better off dead."

McKenzie finally got the cuff off her arm. "You keep your wish while I try to figure out what happened to this!" She then took a picture out of her pocket and handed it to Deon.

"What's this?" asked Deon.

"Look hard at it," said McKenzie.

Luffy looked too. "Mr. Kahn's will . . . " he realized.

"Yeah," said McKenzie. "My guess is that Mr. Oda is the sound mind and Melanie and the cook are the sound bodies."

"I resent that," said Luffy.

"So what's the scheme?" asked Deon.

"I don't think they got to the will," said McKenzie.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because they were still looking for it after he was killed."

"Anything you want me to do?"

"Why don't you go and check the probate?"

"Yeah, check the probate!" said Luffy excitedly. "You know, a man in my hometown had a problem with his probate. He always had to take these huge pills and drink a lot of water."

"_Probate_, not _prostate_!" said McKenzie.

"So let me get this straight," said Luffy. "You think Mr. Oda-my _boss_-slit Al Kahn's throat so he could get his hands on the pirate village?"

"That's what I'm thinking," said McKenzie. "Can he stay here a couple of days?" she asked Deon.

"He's not gonna do anything to scare the customers away, is he?" asked Deon. Luffy was banging his sandals together as he started to spin around in the chair again. "Where are you going?" Deon asked as McKenzie got up to leave.

McKenzie turned to Deon. "Back to the office."


	5. Flirtation

For some reason, as soon as McKenzie got back to her office, she decided to change her clothes. She suddenly felt tired of just wearing black and grey. She dug through her drawers until she found a yellow blouse and some blue jeans. It wasn't perfect, but at least it wasn't going to make her hot in the Miami sun.

McKenzie went into her bathroom and put on her new clothes, but as she was buttoning her blouse, she heard a loud noise outside the bathroom that sounded like somebody kicking her door open. Then she heard voices.

"You could have knocked first!"

"Yeah, breaking down her door isn't going to help our case."

"Is she even here?"

"Well, I can't think of anywhere else she'd go."

"Hey, McKenzie!"

As McKenzie fastened the last button on her blouse, she walked out of the bathroom to face the three boys and two girls that were in her office.

"You've got the wrong idea about Sanji, Miss Valiant," said Usopp. "He's a pawn in this. Just like Luffy."

"Can't you help us find him?" asked Nami. "Just name your price. We'll pay it."

"Right," said McKenzie. "The cook needs his captain to make this scam work."

"No, I respect my captain and his girlfriend," said Sanji. "Do you know how tough it is being a guy looking the way I do?"

"Yeah, well you don't know how hard it is, being a woman, looking at a man looking the way you do," responded McKenzie.

"I ain't bad. I was just born that way," said Sanji.

"Am I the only one who's still trying to figure out what she just said?" asked Usopp.

McKenzie ignored Usopp. "Aren't you the one I caught playing patty cake with Kahn's daughter?" she asked Sanji.

"You didn't catch him," said Robin.

"You were set up to take those pictures," added Zoro.

"Excuse me?" asked McKenzie.

"Oda wanted to blackmail Kahn," explained Sanji. "I knew Melanie was Luffy's girlfriend, and I respected that. I wanted nothing to do with it, but Oda told us that if Melanie and I didn't pose for those patty cake pictures, Luffy would never work in this town again." At this point, the cook was slowly walking toward McKenzie. "I'd do anything for my captain, Miss Valiant." By now, he was right in front of the detective. "Anything."

"What a cook," said McKenzie.

"We're desperate, McKenzie," continued Sanji. "Don't you see how much we need you?" As he talked, he slowly reached for the front of McKenzie's blouse . . .

"Ahem!"

Everyone looked toward the doorway. There, with a not-so-amused look on his face, was Deon. "Trying out a new dish, McKenzie?"

"Friend of yours?" asked Robin.

"Boyfriend, actually," said McKenzie.

"Oooh . . ." said Nami and Usopp at the same time. Robin smiled, apparently amused.

"Smooth move, Love Cook," said Zoro. "She's got a boyfriend."

Sanji let go of McKenzie's blouse. "Our offer stands firm, Miss Valiant," he said as he followed the others out the door past Deon. "Think about it."

Deon waited until the five pirates were long gone before he finally spoke. "You mind telling me what he was doing with his arms on you?" he asked McKenzie, obviously annoyed.

"Probably trying to find a good place to stick a sword," said McKenzie.

"Oh, come on McKenzie!" said Deon. "I saw you with your blouse undone!"

"Well, I didn't . . . " McKenzie began, but Deon was already on his way out the door. "Deon . . . Deon!" McKenzie called after him.

* * *

McKenzie finally caught up with him outside. "Do you honestly think that flirt of a cook would be enough to turn my head? Him and the others, they're just trying to get to their captain!"

"That's not all that cook's trying to get his hands on," said Deon.

"Deon, listen," said McKenzie. "I want you to go out, and I want you to get a new swimsuit, because you and I are going to L.A. I'm on the verge of wrapping up this case."

"Not," said Deon. "That's what I came to tell you, McKenzie. I stopped by probate. Contrary to your belief, Oda's not wanting to buy the pirate village. Shamrock wants it. They put in the highest bid, and if Kahn's will doesn't show up by midnight tonight, Shamrock is going to own the pirate village."

"Midnight?" asked McKenzie. "Midnight, _tonight_?"

"Yep," said Deon.

"First the car dealership, now they want the pirate village?" asked McKenzie. "I don't get it."

"What's that?" asked Deon.

All of the sudden, the two heard somebody singing. And it was coming from the Miami Bar. McKenzie knew the voice who was singing.

"Luffy!" she gasped. She started running toward the bar, Deon on her heels. What they didn't notice was the manhole cover in the street being lifted up, revealing an all-too-familiar character with heart-shaped sunglasses.

"The pirate!" said Django. He looked down the manhole a smirk on his face. "Call the judge."


	6. Wacky Luffy Trouble

**Author's Note:** Credit for this chapter's title goes to Neros Urameshi. Thanks to all of the people who are reviewing!

* * *

When McKenzie and Deon finally got inside the bar, they saw quite a sight. Everyone was cheering, and the loudest cheering was coming from the front booth. Seated in the stools were Nunez, Garver, Darren, and Ami. For some reason, Yoji was absent. Seated next to Ami was Dr. K, silently drinking out of a bottle. 

But the real show was happening in front of them. A CD player was blaring out a song, and who should be singing along to it but Luffy. Apparently the people in the bar didn't care if Luffy couldn't carry in a tune in a basket. They were more interested in Luffy jumping around the bar, singing his song.

"_Oh, Luffy is my name,_

_and plundering's my game!_

_Come on cowpoke,_

_it's just a joke!_

_Don't sit there on your brain!_"

Luffy stopped singing and addressed the crowd. "Nice shirt," he said to a man. "Who's your tailor? A mountain bandit?" The whole bar broke into laughter, and Luffy started to sing again.

"_My friend's McKenzie V._

_A sourpuss, you see._

_But when I'm done_

_she'll need no gun._

'_Cause a joker she will be!_"

Luffy paused again to hop wildly around the bar for a few seconds. Then he started another verse.

"_I-I-I-I love to raise some Cain._

_Believe me, it's no strain._

_It feels_ _so great_

_to smash a plate._

_And look, there is no pain!_"

He then grabbed a plate and smashed it on his head. All of the sudden, the CD started to repeat itself, and so did Luffy.

"_No pain . . . No pain . . . No pain . . . _" he sang over and over again as he repeatedly smashed a plate on his head.

"Hey!" yelled Deon.

McKenzie finally walked over and turned the CD player off. Luffy stopped smashing plates, and the whole bar erupted into laughter. "What are you doing here, Dr. K?" McKenzie asked as she grabbed the rubber pirate.

"House call," said Dr. K. "Had to set Mr. Brass' arm." McKenzie then saw the sling on Darren's right arm.

"He took a tumble in the parking lot," said Garver. "Looks like he's not going to be doing any tattooing for a while."

McKenzie then proceeded to drag Luffy back into the secret room, but she stopped when she suddenly heard everyone in the bar start to hoot and laugh even harder.

She turned around, only to see Yoji walk out with nothing on but what could only be described as "old people's underwear." The other four tattoo guys were laughing the hardest.

"Who bought Yoji the _fundoshi_?" asked Ami as he gasped for air.

"Nice thong," said Dr. K. "Do you do nursing homes?"

McKenzie was the only one who wasn't laughing. Disgusted, she dragged a hysterical Luffy into the secret room.

"That Yoji just cracks me up!" said Luffy as McKenzie closed the door.

"You crazy pirate!" yelled McKenzie. "I'm out there risking my neck for you, and what are you doing? Singing and dancing!"

"But I'm a pirate," said Luffy. "Pirates are supposed to have a good time."

"Sit down!" commanded McKenzie. Luffy sat down on the table.

"You don't understand," said Luffy. "Those guys needed to laugh."

"And when they're done laughing, they'll call the cops!" said McKenzie. "Business is going so bad for Ami and those guys, they'd rat on you for a nickel!"

"No, not Ami!" insisted Luffy. "He'd never rat on me!"

"Why?" asked McKenzie. "Just 'cause you made him laugh?"

"Yes, just 'cause I made him laugh," said Luffy. "A laugh can be a powerful thing, McKenzie. Sometimes it's the only weapon a person has. Laughter is one of the most important . . . "

Luffy was cut off by a red light beginning to flash in the room. McKenzie shushed the rubber pirate.

Back outside, Deon was rapidly pushing a button under the counter that controlled the light. And he had a good reason. As two characters entered the bar, many of the customers left. Soon, the only people left in the bar were Deon, Dr. K, Yoji (still standing there in his _fundoshi_), Darren, Garver, Nunez, and Ami.

Judge Klahadore pushed his glasses up and looked at the remaining people, Django right behind him. "I'm looking for a murderer," he said. "A pirate." He walked past Yoji, right to where Garver and Nunez were sitting. Django, however, stopped at Yoji and began to stare. "A rubber pirate. About . . . " Klahadore paused and, without warning, started to push down on Nunez's head. ". . .YEEAAY big."

"Well, do you see a pirate here? I don't see a pirate here," said Deon, trying his best to remain calm. He turned to Dr. K. "Do you see a pirate here, Doc?"

"No, I don't," said Dr. K, who was obviously not afraid at all. "So stop harassing the customers, Judge."

"I did not come here to harass," said Klahadore, finally letting go of poor Nunez's head. "I came here to reward."

Next to the counter was a chalkboard, normally used as a menu. Klahadore silently walked up to the chalkboard and erased it. Then he began to add his own words, making the chalk screech across the board, thus making Deon, Dr. K, and the five tattoo guys cringe. When the judge finally stepped away, these words were scrawled across the chalkboard in big letters: PIRATE DIP $5000.

After looking at the message for about a second, Ami let out a wolf whistle. "Hey, I've seen a pirate," he said to the judge.

In the secret room, Luffy silently gasped.

"Ya see?" hissed McKenzie.

"Where?" asked Klahadore.

"Well, he's right here in the bar," answered Ami, matter-of-factly. He then took one of his tattoo sleeved arms and draped it around the thin air next to him. He slyly glanced back at his cohorts. "Say hello . . . Bluebeard," he addressed the thin air.

All five tattoo guys erupted into laughter, and even Dr. K cracked a smile.

Luffy was smiling too. "Told ya," he whispered to McKenzie.

Just then, Klahadore noticed the CD player. He walked over to it and took out the CD, then looked at the writing on the top, which was scrawled on the CD with a Sharpie marker.

"'Merry-go-round Broke Down,'" read Klahadore. "Quite an odd selection for a bunch of tattoo covered _white trash_." There was an emphasis on the words "white trash."

Ami's face began to turn red. If there was one thing he hated, it was a smart ass. But then he thought of something. "For your information," he said, forcing himself to calm down, "we put that on for Yoji. It's one of his favorites."

"Yeah," added Garver. "Yoji's a party animal. I mean, just look at him."

"Oh, I'm looking all right . . . " mumbled Django, who was still staring at the area right below Yoji's tattoo covered back.

"Django, you pervert! Pay attention!" barked Klahadore, throwing the CD at his right-hand man. "He's here . . . " he growled.

Suddenly, Django started to chuckle in spite of himself. The tattoo guys didn't know why he was laughing, considering he had just been hit square in the face with a CD.

"Stop that laughing!" yelled the judge. "Have you forgotten what happened last time? If you don't stop that laughing, you're gonna end up dead!"

"Uh . . . right," said Django, finally picking himself up. "Want me to level the place, Boss?"

"That will not be necessary," answered the judge. "That pirate is going to come right to me." He then picked up a nearby walking stick (most likely left behind by a customer) and tapped a tune out on the bar with it.

"Huh?" asked McKenzie.

"No pirate can resist the "Shave-and-a-Haircut" trick," said Klahadore. He then began to walk around the bar, tapping out the same tune on the walls, the tables, and the floor.

McKenzie warily watched throughout the peepholes. "I don't know who's crazier," she whispered to Luffy. "You or Klahadore . . . " She then turned to the rubber pirate.

Poor Luffy was holding his breath and his legs were tightly crossed, like he had to go to the bathroom. He was desperately straining, trying hard not to tap out the response to Klahadore's tapping.

"Luffy! Don't you dare!" McKenzie said in a loud whisper.

By this time, Klahadore was right next to the wall which had the secret room on the other side. "Shave and a haircut . . . " he said softly as he tapped the tune on the wall.

All of the sudden, Luffy burst through the brick wall, unable to hold it in any longer. "TWO BITS!" he screamed at the top of his lungs in that out-of-tune singing voice of his. Bricks littered the far side of the bar.

McKenzie peered out through the hole in the wall. "Luffy . . . " she groaned as she watched Klahadore pick the rubber pirate up by the neck.

Django saw McKenzie. "Hey Boss, should we do the other one, too?" he asked, pointing at the detective.

Klahadore glared at McKenzie. "I deal with her . . . _personally_," he sneered. "But right now, I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some Dip!"

Django quickly ran out of the bar and ran back in with a big vat of the green stuff. He set it down between Nunez and Darren.

"Does the condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?" Klahadore asked Luffy. But Luffy was too busy trying to figure out what the heck was going on to answer.

Klahadore was so busy with Luffy that he didn't notice McKenzie run up to Deon and whisper something in his ear.

"Fine time for that, McKenzie," Deon said out loud. "You want some pretzels to go with that?"

"Just do it," said McKenzie. Deon shrugged, then quickly made a double bourbon and handed it to the detective. "Hey, Judge!" McKenzie called out. "Doesn't a dying pirate deserve a last request?"

"Yeah!" said Luffy. "Nose plugs would be nice."

"Well, I think you want a drink," said McKenzie. "How about it, Judge?"

Klahadore sighed. "Why not?" he said. "I don't mind prolonging the execution."

"Happy trails," said McKenzie, holding the drink out to Luffy.

"No thanks," said Luffy. "I'm trying to cut back."

"Drink it," insisted McKenzie.

"I don't want the drink," said Luffy.

"He doesn't want the drink," said Klahadore.

"He does," said McKenzie.

"I don't!" said Luffy.

"You do!" said McKenzie.

Everyone watched McKenzie and Luffy argue back and forth (except for Django, who had once again fixed his gaze onto Yoji's butt crack) until McKenzie turned the tables.

"You don't!" said McKenzie.

"I do!" said Luffy.

"You don't!" said McKenzie.

"I do!" said Luffy.

"You don't!" said McKenzie.

Luffy grabbed the drink from McKenzie. "Look, when I say I do, I mean I do!" He chugged down the drink. McKenzie ducked under the counter, pulling Deon with her.

What happened next was a repeat of what happened in Mr. Oda's office. Luffy leaped into the air and let out the same ear-piercing shriek, breaking all of the bottles and glasses in the bar, much to the dismay of the five tattoo guys and Klahadore, whose glasses shattered.

As the drink's effects wore off, Luffy did a nose dive, almost landing in the Dip. Luckily, McKenzie caught him just in time.

"Let's get out of here, McKenzie!" yelled Luffy, heading for the door. McKenzie soon followed, but not before tipping over the vat of Dip to slow Klahadore down. Soon, she was out the door as well.

Dr. K watched the madness going on next to her. "Looks like I'm done here," she said. She walked around the mess and to the door. Just as she was heading out, she turned back. "Hey, Thong Boy."

Yoji looked at the doctor. "Yes?"

Dr. K smiled as she walked out of the door. "Put your clothes back on. This isn't Africa."


	7. Reindeers, Black Cats, and Cops

By this time, McKenzie and Luffy were outside of the bar, desperately looking around for a way to escape.

"Wow, McKenzie!" Luffy was saying. "That sure was quick thinking back there! That's telling it like it is!"

"Luffy!" McKenzie called to the rubber pirate. "Let's use this!" She pointed to the Black Cat Patrol van. The two quickly got in.

"Come on!" Luffy yelled. "What are you waiting for?"

"There's no key!" McKenzie yelled back.

"Hey, cats!" a voice suddenly called from the back of the van. "Let me out, will you? I have to make a living!" McKenzie thought there was something odd about the voice. It was all high pitched and squeaky.

Luffy opened the small window behind the seats and looked in. "Chopper?" he called into the back of the van. "Is that you?"

"No, it's Kat Von D!" the squeaky voice responded. "Come on, Luffy! Let me out!"

Luffy then climbed through the little window into the back of the van. As he squeezed through, his love letter to Melanie slipped out and landed on McKenzie's lap. She quickly put it in her pocket.

"McKenzie!" Luffy called to the detective. "We've just found ourselves a ride! Open the back doors!"

McKenzie ran out of the van and let the back doors fly open. Out sailed a large sled with Luffy in it. Hitched to the front was a small reindeer with a blue nose and a pink hat.

"Finally!" said the reindeer. "I can't believe they arrested me for pulling this thing on the sidewalk."

"Get in, McKenzie!" said Luffy. "Chopper will help us!"

"It was only a couple of miles . . . " Chopper continued as McKenzie got into the sled.

"I'm driving," said McKenzie.

"But I wanna drive!" whined Luffy.

"How 'bout I handle this?" asked Chopper. Then, without warning, he started running as fast as he could, almost giving poor McKenzie a whiplash.

At that moment, Django had staggered out of the bar. He watched the sled speeding away. "Darn! They stole the reindeer!" he yelled as he got into the van.

"So, how 'bout those Dolphins?" asked Chopper. "Are they bums or what?"

Luffy looked behind them, only to see Django hot on their tail in the van. "Chopper, McKenzie, we've got company!" he exclaimed.

But Chopper's gaze was fixed straight ahead. He barely made it between two very fast moving cars. "Now that's what I call a couple of road hogs!" he yelled.

"I'll slice you up!" Django yelled. Then, with his free hand, he threw one of his rings out of the window. However, the ring missed just as a truck pulled out in front of the sled.

"Chopper!" yelled Luffy. "Look out for the . . . " Chopper's hooves screeched across the road, the sled landing only inches from the truck. "McKenzie!" Luffy yelled again. "The cops are right behind us!" It was true. A group of police cars had also joined the chase, their sirens blaring and their lights flashing.

"Not for long, Luffy!" said Chopper. He then started walking backwards, backing right into an alley. "Now they're right in front of us!" said the reindeer with a big smile on his face.

Luffy was freaking out. "McKenzie!" he was screaming. "We're going backwards! Turn us around! Give me the wheel! Give me the wheel!" Chopper carefully turned himself around, which wasn't easy in the small alley. The police cars began to follow. "The cops are still on our tail!" said the rubber pirate.

"I know the cops are still on our tail!" said McKenzie. "What do you think I am, bli- CHOPPER!"

All three watched in horror as the Black Cat van charged straight for them.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Luffy yelled over and over.

"JUMP BOOST!" Chopper suddenly yelled. Chopper's back legs suddenly grew longer. His body got lankier, too. The reindeer now looked more like a very furry, very skinny human more than a reindeer. He crouched low to the ground.

"I'm gonna ram them!" yelled Django as he sped the van up.

But just as he was about to, Chopper jumped high into the air and right over the van, taking the sled with him. They landed safely on the other side as Django's van collided with the police cars.

"Wow . . . " Luffy mumbled as the sled made its way back onto the road.

Chopper's eyes suddenly widened. "Hey Luffy, what do you call the middle of a song?" he asked the pirate.

"I don't know, a. . .BRIDGE!" Luffy yelled as the sled wasabout to ram intoa bridge.

"JUMP BOOST!" Chopper yelled again, jumping up over the side wall and into the traffic on the bridge. "So where can I drop you two?" the reindeer asked as soon as they merged into traffic again.

"Somewhere we can hide," said Luffy simply.

"I know just the place," said Chopper. "Oh, and incidentally, if you ever need a ride, just stick out your thumb. HEY! Share the road, asshole!"

* * *

Later, McKenzie and Luffy were in the top balcony at the cinema Chopper had dropped them off at, watching the cartoon playing.

Luffy was sitting in the front row, laughing his head off. After a while, McKenzie walked up to the rubber pirate and half-dragged him back to where she was sitting.

"We're supposed to be hiding," grumbled McKenzie. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with _you_?" asked Luffy. "You're the only one here not laughing. Is there nothing that can break through that brick wall of your's?" He paused. "Hey McKenzie!" He performed his funniest face for the detective, but was disappointed when McKenzie didn't even flinch. "Wow, nothing," he said in pure amazement. "What could possibly have happened to turn you into such a grouch?"

"You really want to know?" asked McKenzie. "All right, I'll tell you. A pirate killed my sister."

Luffy's eyes widened. "A pirate? No!"

"Yes, a pirate," said McKenzie. Her voice softened. "We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of the pirate village. Back in those days, McKinzie and I loved going to that place. It was always full of adventure." McKenzie paused, and smiled a little, remembering all those happy times before . . . _it _happened.

"Anyway, this guy had gotten away with 100,000,000 Berries. We chased him down to a little dive on the edge of town and went in. Only he was expecting us. Next thing I know, something streaks across my body and I black out, the last thing I hear are these pain-filled screams . . .

"Broke a few ribs, and my leg. McKinzie didn't make it. Something was slammed right through her chest. I never did figure out who that was. All I remember is him looking down on me, these swords in his hands, just glinting, and those _glasses_. He disappeared into the pirate village after that."

When McKenzie finished her story, she looked over at Luffy, only to find him quietly sobbing.

"No wonder you hate me . . . " he mumbled between his choked sobs. "If a pirate killed my big brother, I'd hate me too!"

"Oh, come on . . . don't cry," said McKenzie. "I never said I hated you."

"Yes you do!" said Luffy.

"I do not!" insisted McKenzie.

"You do to hate me!" said Luffy. "Otherwise you wouldn't have dragged me all those times!"

"Okay, okay . . . " said McKenzie. "I'm sorry I dragged you."

"All the times you dragged me?" asked Luffy.

"All the times I dragged you," said McKenzie.

Luffy immediately perked up again. "Apology accepted!" he said, the perkiness back in his voice. "I feel a lot better now . . . " He stopped as the screen darkened. "Oh boy!" he said, running back up to the front row. "I hope it's another cartoon . . . oh, it's just another stupid newsreel," he said as the screen lit up again. "I hate the news!" he proclaimed, sticking out his tongue.

Just then, Deon silently walked in and took a seat next to McKenzie.

"You got all my stuff?" asked McKenzie.

"Yep," said Deon. "It's all packed out in the car. I would've been here right after you called, but I had to shake the Black Cats. Luckily, the tattoo guys did a nice job distracting them."

"Oh, really?" asked McKenzie.

"Yeah," said Deon. "After they had a few more drinks, they walked out over to across the street from Shamrock Studios, saying how they were gonna "show Shamrock just what they thought of them taking away the Red Car and almost causing the guys to run out of business." Then Yoji pulled his pants down and mooned the studio while the others sang "Werewolves of London." They claimed that it was "appropriate" for the moment."

"I would imagine so," said McKenzie. "Uh . . . sorry for the mess in the bar."

"Heck, stuffing olives wasn't for me anyway," said Deon.

"You should find yourself a good woman, Deon," said McKenzie.

"But I already have a good woman . . . " said Deon.

McKenzie looked over at her boyfriend. They began to move their faces closer to each other, but just when their lips were about to touch . . .

"Oooh . . . "

Deon and McKenzie looked at Luffy, who had made his way back to the seat in front of them.

"Please . . . don't mind me . . . " Luffy mumbled, looking half-dazed.

"You better get going, McKenzie," said Deon, snapping Luffy out of his stupor.

"I'm glad McKinzie isn't here to see me running with my tail between my legs," said McKenzie as she stood up.

"It's not so bad, once you get used to it," said Luffy as the three made their way out of the theater.

McKenzie made her way out last. But just as she was leaving, she heard the announcer from the newsreel talking, and something clicked inside her head. She ran back into the theater, just as a new story was being broadcasted.

"Dateline: Miami, Florida. Shamrock Oil was on the move this week, acquiring two Miami institutions: the Miami Red Car dealership and the venerated Oda Cartoon Studios. Here, Mr. Oda is seen clinching a deal with Shamrock's bankers and executives in one of the biggest real estate deals in Miami Florida history."

The lightbulb in McKenzie Valiant's head shone brightly. "That's it!" she exclaimed. "That's the connection!" She then ran out of the theater after Deon and Luffy, anxious to tell them what she had just figured out.


	8. Mr Oda Checks Out

Later that night, McKenzie and Luffy drove up to the almost empty Oda Cartoon Studios. Deon owned two cars, and he was letting McKenzie use one of them.

"Let's just forget it," said Luffy as he looked around the dark street. "There's nobody here."

"Is that it or are you scared?" asked McKenzie, getting out of the car.

"Oh, _please_!" said Luffy, quickly following McKenzie. "Me, scared? Don't be ridiculous." Nearby, a cat jumped off a garbage can, causing Luffy to almost jump out of his sandals. "Besides, when you called Mr. Oda, you said you had the will. You don't have the will, McKenzie. When he finds out, he's gonna be mad. He might try to kill you."

"Oh, I can handle that Miami cream puff," said McKenzie. "I just want to make sure the odds are with me. You stay out here and cover my back. If you see or hear anything suspicious, beep the horn twice."

"Yeah, that's it," said Luffy as he watched McKenzie enter the studio. "Beep the horn twice. Cover your back. I'm ready. I can handle anything."

But as the young rubber pirate was reassuring himself, he didn't notice the hammer somebody was raising over his head . . .

"That's right. Nobody gets the drop on Monkey D. Luffy!"

BANG!

"Uhh . . . "

Luffy didn't have time to think of anything else, because something heavy had just been heaved onto his head. Before he could do anything, he slowly sank to his knees and blacked out. Then somebody reached out and grabbed the boy (who was now an unconscious rubbery mess) and dragged him behind the wall he had been standing next to.

* * *

Meanwhile, inside, Mr. Oda was nervously waiting at his desk. When was that detective going to be there with the will? He was so focused on his thoughts, he didn't notice the other person in the room slowly sneak up behind him . . . 

"What's up, Doc?"

Mr. Oda gave a small shriek, then whirled around to face the young detective. "Valiant. What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"

"Gotta have a heart before you can have an attack," said McKenzie cooly, her expression remaining firm.

"Yeah yeah, whatever," said Mr. Oda impatiently. "Do you have the will or not?"

"Yeah, I got the will," answered McKenzie, briefly showing a bit of paper. "The question is: do you have the way? 'Cause I can tell you right now that it isn't going to come cheap."

"You got a lot of guts coming up here by yourself," said Mr. Oda.

"Who said I was here by myself?" asked McKenzie.

* * *

What McKenzie or Mr. Oda didn't know was that a still knocked out Luffy was being shoved into the trunk of another car by five certain crew mates. 

"I feel so dirty . . . " moaned Usopp as he put his hammer back into his bag.

"Yes, Valiant-san isn't going to be happy when she sees what we did," said Robin.

"Hey, at least we have him. Besides, she's not gonna find out," said Sanji. "I mean, we're the only ones here."

"She will if we don't get out of here," said Zoro. "I say we leave. Now."

"For once, I agree with you," said Nami. "Get the car started."

* * *

"Okay, hardcase," said Mr. Oda. "How much?" 

"Well, let's think for a second," said McKenzie. "Your take is three million dollars . . . "

"Let me see the will," said Mr. Oda.

"I said I have it," said McKenzie.

"I wanna see it now!" insisted Mr. Oda, grabbing the paper away from McKenzie. But what he saw was not at all what he had expected. "'How do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . . ?'" he read the lipstick-scrawled words on the paper. "Is this some kind of a sick joke?" he asked, shoving the paper back at McKenzie.

"No, this is," said McKenzie, who had grabbed a drink from the mini bar. She gave it a few quick shakes, then opened the top. After the frothy mess was sprayed right in Mr. Oda's face, McKenzie gave him a swift punch to the jaw, knocking the cartoon maker down to the ground. "Get up."

"What are you gonna do to me, Valiant?" wheezed Mr. Oda.

"I'm gonna listen to you spin the Shamrock scenario," said McKenzie, almost whispering. "The story of greed, sex, and murder. And the parts I don't like, I'm gonna edit out."

"You've got it all wrong," cried Mr. Oda. "I'm an animation creator, not a murderer."

McKenzie pulled the man up by his tie. "Everybody's gotta have a hobby." She half-dragged the now terrified cartoon maker to a nearby editing machine and stuffed his tie into it. Then she slowly began to turn, causing Mr. Oda's face to be pulled dangerously close to the machine.

"Okay, okay!" yelled Mr. Oda. "Please stop! The truth is that I had a chance to sell my studio, but Shamrock wouldn't buy it unless Kahn sold them his. The stubborn bastard wouldn't sell, so I was just gonna blackmail Kahn with a few pictures of his daughter with the rubber pirate's cook! Just blackmail, Valiant! I've been around pirates all my life. I don't want to see them destroyed!"

This got McKenzie's attention. "Pirates destroyed?" she asked suspiciously. "Why?"

"If I tell you, I'm a dead man," muttered Mr. Oda.

"And you'll be a dead man if you don't tell me," said McKenzie. "Flip a coin. You're gonna die."

"All right, all right," said Mr. Oda, taking a deep breath. "Unless you don't find the will by midnight tonight, the pirate village is gonna be land for the . . . "

As it turns out, Mr. Oda was never going to be able to finish this sentence. It would be the last thing he would ever say.

Just then, McKenzie glanced at one of the pictures on the wall and began to panic. In the reflection of the glass, the young detective saw the all-too-familiar glint of a sword. Suddenly, she felt a cold breeze on the back of her neck. Without thinking, she dropped Mr. Oda and dove under his desk.

What happened next chilled McKenzie to the bone. She heard the whistling of wind. The shattering of objects on the walls and the desk. The pain-filled screams of Mr. Oda. In front of her, the chair seated at the desk was slashed into pieces. The young detective just put her arms over her head and closed her eyes, wishing, wishing, wishing that all the noise would stop.

Then . . . nothing. Silence. Eerie silence. McKenzie slowly got out from under the desk, for some reason, unable to stop trembling. But other than that, she was miraculously unscathed. She braced herself for what she was going to see.

The office was a mess. There were slash marks in everything. The furniture, the pictures, the awards, the mini bar. But in the middle of it all was what scared McKenzie the most. There, with his tie still caught in the editing machine, was the lifeless body of Mr. Oda. There were five bloody and fatal slash marks in his back.

Just then, McKenzie heard something outside. She looked out the now broken window, only to see a car. Zoro was driving, with Nami seated next to him. Sanji, Usopp, and Robin were in the back.

A sick realization went over the detective. "LUFFY!" she screamed, running out of the office.

* * *

McKenzie ran out to Deon's car and jumped in, desperate to stay on the other car's trail. Zoro was a crafty driver, but McKenzie was even craftier. Throughout the whole chase she was somehow able to stay on the pirates' trail. But then they came to a tunnel. The pirates kept on going, but McKenzie stopped. 

She looked at the sign next to the tunnel as the other car drove away. The white letters shimmered in her car's headlights: PIRATE VILLAGE.

McKenzie groaned. She hadn't been in there since . . . McKinzie's accident. There was no way she was going in now. Not now.

But as she stared at the tunnel, the gruesome image from Mr. Oda's office stuck in McKenzie's mind. Pirates were going to be destroyed. She had to do something.

After taking a deep breath, McKenzie walked back into the car. She took out the gun under her blouse and threw it onto the seat. She then reached into the back seat and pulled out a small box. She opened the box and took out something she hadn't used in a long time.

It was another gun. But not just any gun. It was the kind of gun a pirate would use. It glimmered as McKenzie admired it in her hand.

"_McKenzie Valiant?_" the gun almost seemed to say. "_You're a sight for sore eyes! Where on earth have you been?_"

"Sick," McKenzie found herself saying out loud. "You feeling frisky tonight?"

"_I sure am_," the gun seemed to answer.

McKenzie loaded her pirate gun and slipped it into her blouse. Then she got back into the car, took another deep breath, then slowly began to drive down the long road into the darktunnel.


	9. The Tables are Turned

**Author's note**: With this chapter, you might notice a few things. First, I decided to raise the rating for this story because of the language, murders, and tattoo-covered Japanese guys running around in _fundoshi_. Also, I left out the scene involving the hotel, because I couldn't find a way to incorporate it into this version, and therefore deemed it unnecessary. Sorry.

So, with that being said, on with the chapter!

* * *

McKenzie tried to keep still as she drove through the dark tunnel, but despite all her efforts, she couldn't stop shaking. The image of her sister's broken bleeding body was stuck in her mind, and she couldn't get it out. She did _not _want to do this. But that group of no-good pirates had Luffy, and she had to do what she had to do. 

All of the sudden, the tunnel ended, and McKenzie squinted against the sudden light at the end. For some reason, even though Miami and the pirate village were right next to each other, they seemed to run on different time zones, because the sun was up in the pirate village.

McKenzie's car seemed to be the only one on the street as she cautiously made her way down the street. There were many people wandering the streets, and all seemed to have a smile on their face. In the distance, McKenzie could hear a cheerful song being played.

"_Smile, darn ya, smile!_

_You know that your world_

_is a great world after all . . . _"

A lot of people stopped to look at McKenzie's car, because it wasn't every day you saw something like a car in the pirate village. But the staring only made McKenzie more nervous. In fact, she was so nervous that she wasn't keeping her eyes on the road . . .

CRASH!

* * *

McKenzie turned her neck so sharply she was afraid that it might break. She was so busy being nervous that she didn't see that she had rammed right into the car she was following. The only problem was that there was no sign of the people McKenzie had been looking for. 

As people gathered around to see the damage, McKenzie stepped out of the car, a little frazzled. But as everyone was making a fuss about the accident, McKenzie suddenly heard something else. Footsteps. She turned around. There was an alley right behind her. Seeing that the people of the village were more interested in the car crash, McKenzie had no trouble of sneaking into the alley.

The alley was nothing like the cheerful-looking pirate village. It was cold, dark, and gloomy. It kind of freaked McKenzie out. If only she could find what she was looking for so she could get out of there.

"Valiant!"

McKenzie whirled around. There, at the other end of the alley, were Zoro, Usopp, Nami, Sanji, and Robin. Usopp had his slingshot out, and he was aiming it right at McKenzie with shaky hands.

McKenzie gave a sad smile. "I always knew I'd get it in the pirate village," she said as she raised her hands. What she didn't see was the shadow of a sword being aimed right at her on the wall.

"Look out!" yelled Usopp. He shot, but it sailed right past McKenzie and flew right behind her.

McKenzie heard someone wincing in pain, then a clattering sound. But she couldn't worry about that now. She had bigger problems. She took out her gun. "Drop it," she said as the five pirates walked toward her.

"What, we save your life and you still don't trust us?" asked Sanji.

"I don't trust anything or anyone," McKenzie proclaimed.

"Not even your own eyes?" asked Nami, pointing to the ground behind the detective.

When McKenzie turned around, what she saw almost made her faint. There, lying on the ground, was a big furry glove, a very sharp sword extending from each of the fingers and thumb.

"That's one of the claws that killed Oda," said Zoro. "And Kuro did the slashing."

"Who?" asked McKenzie, now confused.

"Oh, that's right," said Robin. "You know him better as Judge Klahadore." McKenzie's eyes widened. "We followed him to the studio, but we were too late."

"That's right!" the detective and the five pirates suddenly heard a bone-chilling voice sneer. "You can't stop me! My plan will not fail! You're dead! You're all dead!"

"Kuro!" screamed McKenzie. Then, without thinking, she started shooting at the end of the alley, desperate to hit her target. To her dismay, all of her bullets missed. "Crap," she grumbled, throwing the now useless gun behind her.

"Enough of that," said Usopp. "We gotta get out of here."

McKenzie looked at the five pirates. She sighed. She would have to trust them for now. "Okay," she said. They started out of the alley back to their cars.

* * *

The crowd had now disbanded, but the cars were still there. At least, the pirates' car was. And the trunk of the car was now wide open. 

"Oh no," said Nami. "Where's Luffy?"

"Luffy?" asked McKenzie. "He chickened out on me back at the studio."

"Not quite," said Zoro.

"Yeah, I hit him on the head with my hammer, and then we put him in the trunk," explained Usopp. "You know, so he'd be safe."

"Makes perfect sense," said McKenzie.

"Well, we're obviously not going anywhere in our car," said Sanji, looking at the mess. "Let's take yours."

"I"m thinking somebody already did," said McKenzie, seeing that her car was no longer there.

"It must have been Captain-san," said Robin.

"Yeah, he's not very good behind the wheel," said Zoro.

"Better captain than a driver, huh?" asked McKenzie.

"You'd better believe it," said Nami simply.

Just then, the group heard an oncoming siren in the distance.

"It's the Black Cats!" yelled Usopp.

"Then we'd better split," said Sanji, running in one direction.

But McKenzie had another idea. "Wait!" she said suddenly. "I say we go that way!" She stuck her thumb out behind her.

"You call for a reindeer, Valiant?"

Everyone turned around and saw Chopper, sled in tow. The group jumped into the sled, McKenzie taking the reins. Chopper then started down another tunnel that led out of the pirate village and back into Miami.

* * *

"So how longhave you guys known about Kuro?" McKenzie asked as Chopper ran as fast as his hooves could carry him. 

"Before Al Kahn was killed, his daughter confided in me that Kuro was after the pirate village and he would stop at nothing to get it," explained Sanji.

"So Melanie gave you guys the will for safe keeping?" asked McKenzie.

"That's what she told us," said Sanji. "But when we opened the envelope, all that was in it was a blank piece of paper."

"Ah, that Kahn," said McKenzie. "A joker till the end."

"So where to already?" panted Chopper. "I don't have all night."

"We've gotta find our captain," said Zoro. "I'm starting to worry about him."

McKenzie looked at the five pirates. "Seriously, what do you see in this guy?" she asked them.

Zoro gave McKenzie a "How-can-you-be-so-stupid" look. "He makes us laugh," he said simply.

* * *

By this time, they were out of the tunnel. But Chopper was going so fast, nobody noticed that someone was already there. This someone took the barrel of liquid next to him, and dumped the entire contents of it into the street in front of him. 

As soon as Chopper stepped onto the green liquid, it burned at his little hooves. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!" he screamed as he suddenly spun out of control. "I'VE BEEN DIPPED!" Chopper slammed right into a nearby lamp post and lay motionless. Nami and Robin were flung into some bushes while McKenzie, Zoro, Usopp, and Sanji tumbled out into the grass beside the road.

McKenzie slowly began to sat up. What the heck had just happened?

"Tsk, tsk," an all-too-familiar voice answered her question. "Quite an unfortunate accident. There's nothing more treacherous than a slippery road, eh Valiant? Especially when driving in a sled being pulled by a maniacal reindeer pirate."

McKenzie turned around and glared at Kuro as the other three began to sit up. Behind them, Django's van suddenly came out of the tunnel and pulled up behind the judge.

"Good work, Boss," said Django, sticking his head out of the window.

Kuro turned toward the van. "Don't just sit there," he said. "Help them. Put all four of them in the van. I am sure that they'll enjoy attending the ribbon-cutting ceremony at the 4kids factory."

All poor McKenzie could do was sit there, wide-eyed with shock as Django slowly walked toward her.

"Let's go mugs," hissed Django.


	10. A Black Cat's Plan

McKenzie, Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp were taken to the 4kids factory. Once they got there, Django shoved McKenzie against the wall and frisked her. McKenzie didn't seem the least bit frightened (as opposed to Usopp, who would not stop whimpering), but even so, she couldn't stop herself from trembling.

"We searched Valiant, Boss," Django called over to Kuro. "The will ain't on her."

"Then search the others!" Kuro called back.

But as Django headed toward the three boys, a demonic growl emitted from Zoro, and Sanji glared with his visible eye. Usopp was shaking like crazy behind them. Django was an air head, but he wasn't that stupid. He wisely backed off.

However, this didn't seem to please Kuro. When he saw his right man back away from the boys, he ran over and struck Django across the face. Django toppled over backwards and knocked over a crate full of marbles, spilling them all over the floor.

"Do they have the will or not?" asked Kuro.

"N-no . . . " sputtered Django. "Just this stupid love letter." He threw the piece of paper back at McKenzie.

"No matter," said Kuro, adjusting his glasses. "I doubt that will is going to appear in the next fifteen minutes anyway."

"What happens in fifteen minutes?" asked McKenzie.

Kuro glanced at the detective. "The pirate village will be mine. Lock, stock, and barrel."

* * *

Meanwhile, back where Chopper had crashed, a certain rubber pirate was riding out of the tunnel that led to the pirate village in a semi-crushed car belonging to a certain detective's boyfriend. But when he saw the chaos in front of him, he drove up, turned off the car, and jumped out. 

"Chopper!" Luffy called to his reindeer crew mate, who was just now coming to. "Is that you?"

"No, it's Johnny Messner," grumbled Chopper, slowly standing up on his wobbly legs.

"Luffy!" exclaimed Nami as she and Robin walked out of the same bushes they had been flung into. They hadn't moved from that spot, worried that they would be caught.

Chopper slowly limped over to Luffy, emitting little cries of pain with each step. "Woah!" exclaimed Luffy, looking at his three battered crew mates. "What the heck happened?"

"It was that judge," said Nami. "He's really Kuro."

"He grabbed Valiant-san and the boys and took them to the 4kids factory," said Robin.

"The 4kids factory?" asked Luffy. "I know where that is!" He ran back to the beat-up car. "Get in!" he called to his three friends.

"Move over Luffy," said Nami, getting into the driver's seat. "You've done enough driving for tonight."

Robin, who was now carrying Chopper, got into what was left of the back seat, while Luffy took shotgun. Then the four pirates slowly made their way down the road.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the 4kids factory, a few of the Black Cat goons were banging away at one of the walls. Finally, one of them was able to break a small hole into the wall. On the other side, faint sounds of people talking and singing could be heard. Rays of light shone through the wall into the factory. 

"The pirate village is just on the other side, Boss," one of the goons called to Kuro.

Kuro stared at his captives. "You see, Miss Valiant?" he asked the detective. "The successful conclusion of this case draws the curtain on my career as a jurist in the pirate village. I'm retiring. To take a new role in the private sector."

McKenzie tried to ignore the sharp ring Django was holding at her throat. "That wouldn't be Shamrock Industries by any chance, would it?" she asked.

Kuro smiled. "You're looking at the sole stockholder."

* * *

Just outside, Nami, Chopper, Robin, and Luffy were pulling up to the factory. Luffy got out of the car, holding the gun McKenzie had thrown in there a while back. 

"You guys go for the cops," said Luffy, his hands shaking as he held the gun. "I'm going to save the others."

"Luffy, watch where you're pointing that thing!" yelled Nami, turning the gun away from her. "This isn't some made-up story on some website, you know!" Then she began to drive away as Luffy made his way toward the factory.

"This is no way to make a living," mumbled the young navigator as she headed for the nearest police station. In the back seat, Robin smiled.

Luffy walked up to one of the windows and tried to push it open. Unfortunately, the window was jammed.

"Darn. Locked," said Luffy, leaning up against the window. Suddenly, the window swung open, and Luffy fell right into the room. "WHOA!" the rubber pirate exclaimed as he fell in. However, right below the window was an uncovered manhole. And poor Luffy tumbled straight in, gun and all.

* * *

Not too far away, Kuro was walking up to a large object covered by a huge tarp. He dropped a silver dish onto the floor and pulled some of the tarp away, revealing a valve. He then opened the valve, causing a very familiar green liquid to be released onto the dish. In seconds, the dish began to corrode. 

"Can you guess what this is?" Kuro asked, turning to the young detective and the three pirates.

Usopp peeked out from between Sanji and Zoro. His eyes widened. "Oh . . . my . . . God, it's DIP!" he shrieked, ducking back between his two friends.

"That's right, my boy!" exclaimed Kuro. "Enough to Dip the pirate village off the face of the earth!" Just then, all of the tarp was removed, revealing a huge machine filled with the green stuff. "A machine of my own design," said the judge. "5000 gallons of heated Dip, pumped at an enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon. The pirate village will be erased in a matter of minutes!"

"But don't you think people will find it strange when they discover that the pirate village has disappeared?" asked Zoro.

"Who's got time to think about such ridiculous thoughts when you're driving past at seventy-five miles per hour?" answered Kuro.

"What the heck are you talking about?" asked Sanji. "There's no road past the pirate village."

"Not yet!" said Kuro. As he walked toward the others, he began to slip on the fallen marbles. "Several months ago, I had the luck to stumble upon a plan of the city councils. A construction plan of epic proportions. I believe you call it a freeway."

"A freeway?" asked McKenzie. "Why the hell would they want another freeway?"

Kuro ignored McKenzie. "It fascinated me," he continued. "Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Tallahassee. Smooth, straight, fast. Traffic jams will once again be a thing of the past."

"So that's why you killed Kahn and Oda?" asked McKenzie. "For another freeway? I don't get it."

Kuro glared at McKenzie. "Of course you don't," he sneered. "You lack vision. I, however, see a place where people will get on and off this freeway. Off and on. On and off. All day, all night. Soon where the pirate village once stood, there will be a string of gas stations. Inexpensive motels. Restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tire salons. Automobile dealerships. And wonderful, wonderful billboards reaching as far as the eye can see." He paused while Sanji silently made the cuckoo sign at him. "My god, it will be beautiful."

"Please," said McKenzie. "We've already got a lousy freeway. People will drive on that one. And for the people that don't have cars, they can just go to the Miami Red Car and get one. They'll _never_ drive on _your _dang freeway."

"Oh, they'll drive," said Kuro. "They'll have to. I'm tearing down the old freeway. And why do you think I bought the Red Car? Overpricing those cars will mean instant riches for me."

Suddenly, everyone began to feel the room shake, and a gurgling sound was slowly making itself louder. Just then, a manhole cover in the middle of the room was shot into the air by a geyser of water. The cover was sent flying, and everyone else just stared in shock. With the stream of water, out shot a certain rubber pirate clutching a gun.


	11. McKenzie the Clown

"Okay, nobody move!" an all-too-familiar voice sputtered after the water from the manhole died down. "All right Black Cats, grab sky or the judge gets it." The now soaked pirate began to wave his gun wildly. "You heard me! I said don't move!"

"Luffy!" Usopp exclaimed from behind Zoro and Sanji.

"Yep, it's me!" said Luffy, with that big goofy grin on his face. "You didn't think that I was gonna let my whole crew get wasted, did ya?"

"Put that gun down, you rubber freak!" yelled Kuro.

"That's it, Kuro," said Luffy, now pointing the gun at the judge. "Give me another reason to pump you full of lead. Thought you could get away with it, huh?"

What nobody noticed was that Django, still holding a ring at McKenzie's throat in one hand, was taking another ring out of his pocket with his free hand. He was aiming for a net full of bricks hanging right above Luffy . . .

"I may act scatterbrained at times, but I'm not _that_ stupid," Luffy continued. "We pirates demand justice. Why, just the meaning of the word probably hits you on the head like a ton of bricks!"

All of the sudden, Django threw his second ring at the net of bricks. The ring easily sliced through the net, and before anyone could react, the entire contents were spilled out of the net and right onto poor Luffy.

Zoro, Usopp, and Sanji ran up and dug Luffy out of the brick pile.

"Luffy, say something, you idiot!" yelled Sanji.

"Look, stars!" exclaimed a half-dazed Luffy. "Ready when you are, Reginald!"

"Tie the crew together," ordered Kuro. "Put them up on that hook. Use that escape-proof pirate rope."

A few goons ran up and tied the four boys back to back. Django didn't move because he was still cornering McKenzie.

"You were great Luffy," said Zoro as the four pirates were latched onto a giant hook.

"Was I really?" asked Luffy, who was now out of shock.

"Well, I was about to do that before you shot out of the floor," said Usopp, trying to mask his impending fear. "'Cause I'm Captain Usopp!"

McKenzie watched as one of the goons began to start up the Dip machine.

"It's over Miss Valiant," said Kuro. He then turned to walk away, but just as he was about to, he slipped right onto the marbles and landed with a loud THUD.

All the goons, including Django, started to laugh at their boss' misfortune. McKenzie saw an opportunity. She quietly began to sneak up on Django.

But what she didn't count on was Kuro. "Look out! You fool!" he yelled at his right-hand man as he struggled to stand up.

Django snapped back to attention. "Not so fast . . . " he hissed as he pushed the ring dangerously close to McKenzie. She could actually feel the ring's pressure right on the spot that could prove fatal.

"One of these days, you idiots are going to laugh yourselves to death," grumbled Kuro as he finally stood up.

When McKenzie heard this statement, that bright lightbulb suddenly went off in her head again. She slowly glanced behind her. She was standing right next to a music machine. McKenzie smiled. She now had a plan. But it would mean having to do something she hadn't done in a long time. Could she do it?

"Shall I dispose of her right now Boss?" asked Django.

Kuro glanced at him. "Let her watch her pirate friends get Dipped," he said simply. "Then slit her throat."

"With pleasure," grinned Django.

McKenzie braced herself. It was now or never. "Everything's funny with you, huh?" she calmly asked Django.

"You got a problem with that?" Django responded.

"No," said McKenzie. "I just want you guys to know something about the guy you're gonna Dip!" Then, relying only on her reflexes, McKenzie slammed her fist down on the music machine next to her. It automatically came to life, and a song began blasting through the factory.

"Huh?" asked Django, just standing there, wondering what the heck had just happened.

It was then McKenzie Valiant did one of the most unexpected things ever. And while she did it, she was actually happy that she had worked with the Ringling Brothers all those years ago.

"_Now Luffy is his name_

_and plundering's his game._

_Come on you dope_

_Untie his rope_

_And watch him go insane._"

She then began to dance wildly around the factory. All everyone could do was stare.

Sanji and Usopp were speechless.

"She's lost her mind," said Zoro, watching McKenzie.

The only one not surprised was Luffy. He smiled. "I don't think so."

Then McKenzie began another verse.

"_Though singing is my line_

_It's tough to make a rhyme_

_If I get stuck . . . _

_I. . .I. . .I'm out of luck . . . _

_uh . . . _"

"I"m running out of time!" Usopp called out.

"Thanks," said McKenzie.

She then took three weights out of one of the crates and began to juggle with them. Then she threw all three of them into the air and let them drop onto her head. Throughout the factory, chuckles could be heard. McKenzie staggered backward right into some more crates. When she reappeared, she was hopping on a pogo stick. However, she accidentally jumped too high and bumped her head right onto one of the lights.

By this time, all of the Black Cats were laughing so hard that they could barely breathe. Suddenly, one goon actually keeled over from laughing too hard, and everyone could see his ghost leaving his body. Another goon also keeled over and began to watch his own spirit fly away. He tried to catch it, but to no avail.

All over, the Black Cat goons were keeling over from laughing so hard. Spirits started flying all over the room and up through the ceiling. The four pirates tied together on the hook were finally beginning to see what the detective was trying to do.

"Keep it up, McKenzie!" Luffy called out. "You're killin' 'em! You're slayin' 'em! You're knockin' 'em dead!"

Amidst the chaos, a lever was thrown and a vase began to move across a conveyor belt right to over McKenzie's head. But McKenzie had turned her attention back to Django.

"_I'm tired of taking falls_

_I'm bouncing off the walls_

_Without that gun_

_I'd have some fun_

_I'd kick you in the . . . _"

Just then, the vase fell off the conveyor belt and right onto poor McKenzie's head.

". . .Nose!" Luffy finished the verse.

"'Nose'?" asked Django. He turned toward Luffy "You fool! That doesn't rhyme with 'walls'!"

"No, but this does."

Django turned back to McKenzie just in time for the detective to kick the right-hand man right between his legs. To McKenzie's surprise, Django went sailing through the air from the impact . . . right into the giant machine's vat of Dip.

"Yikes!" yelled Luffy as a bit of the Dip splashed out of the machine. He swung back, causing the Dip to miss him and his three comrades. "That was close!"

By this time, nearly all of the Black Cat goons had laughed themselves to death. Only two remained. One died instantly, while the other fell off the cannon of the Dip machine and right onto a brush covered in the green stuff. As his body disintegrated, his spirit floated out, and somehow made it so the machine was coming right at the four bound pirates!

All four pirates began to panic as the stream of Dip inched closer. "Aah!" yelled Luffy. "McKenzie, hurry! It's coming back! Oh no! This is it . . . "

McKenzie sprinted over to the machine, climbed up into the seat, and reversed the cannon's direction just in time.

"This isn't it!" exclaimed Luffy, while Usopp nearly passed out from relief.

However, as McKenzie began to climb down from the machine, something suddenly struck her from the side. The poor detective was sent flying across the factory. It took her a second to realize what had happened. But as she was sitting up, a nearby giant magnet suddenly magnetized a metal barrel. Before McKenzie could react, the barrel made contact with the magnet, slamming against McKenzie's back while the magnet stuck tight around her waist.

"Don't move."

McKenzie's eyes widened. Right in front of her, and approaching fast, was a steamroller, being driven by none other than Kuro. The detective tried to pry the magnet off, but the magnetic hold was just too strong. She quickly glanced around her. There had to be something around that could help her! That's when she saw it. A crate full of 4kids portable holes. She quickly inched across the floor and knocked over the crate. Reaching out as far as she could, she grabbed one of the holes and placed it over the magnet. This gave McKenzie an escape route, and before she knew it, she was standing about ten feet away from the magnet and the barrel, out of harm's way.

Or so she thought.

McKenzie then looked over at the steamroller, but to her shock, Kuro was not there anymore.

"What . . . ?" McKenzie began, but before she could finish, something streaked across her chest. The detective looked down. There were four long slash marks across her blouse, and McKenzie thought she could see cuts on her chest. But then, someone kicked her in the back. Hard. Before the detective could recover, searing pain suddenly flew through her left shoulder. McKenzie immediately grasped it, and when she withdrew her hand, her face went pale. Her hand was slick with blood.

"Aah! Oh no!" Luffy suddenly yelled.

McKenzie turned to the pirates. The Dip machine was heading right for them again! However, as the detective tried to make her way to shut it down, she staggered on her feet a little.

"Come on, McKenzie!" called Luffy. "Quit playing around!"

McKenzie finally regained her composure. She ran as fast as her wobbly legs could carry her, and once again shut off the machine just in time.

"All right!" said Usopp. "Of course, I wasn't worried! Were you?"

"Hey, look!" exclaimed Zoro.

McKenzie turned around. There, in the middle of the factory, slightly slouching, was Kuro. But there was something different about him. He was now wearing a different coat. It was too big for him, and he didn't even have his arms in the sleeves. They hung limply along the sides of the coat. But the patterns stitched on the shoulder pads made McKenzie's eyes widen the most. There, stitched on each shoulder, was the unmistakable picture of a cat's skull, with thigh bones in the shape of an X behind it.

"Holy smokes!" yelled McKenzie, clasping her wounded shoulder again. "He's a pirate!"

"Surprised?" asked Kuro as he adjusted his glasses.

McKenzie winced against the pain in her shoulder and smiled. "Not really. That crazy freeway plan could only be cooked up by a pirate."

"Not just _a _pirate . . . " sneered Kuro. Then he held his hands up for McKenzie to see. On each hand was a glove with swords on each of the fingertips, just like the one found back in the alley. They were already stained with blood. McKenzie's blood. But what Kuro said next would haunt detective McKenzie Valiant for the rest of her life.

"Remember me, McKenzie? When I killed your sister, I looked just . . . like . . . THIS!"


	12. All's Well that Ends Well

McKenzie felt like someone had punched her square in the stomach. Her legs began to wobble again, but this time it was not from blood loss. She strained to keep herself from passing out.

But she wasn't the only one who was shocked. Luffy frantically kept looking at Kuro, then McKenzie, then back at Kuro again. Zoro and Usopp just stared, jaws dropped, completely dumbstruck.

"You bloodthirsty nutcase!" growled Sanji, who was the only one who could find his voice. "How dare you do that to poor McKenzie-san!"

Kuro did not respond. Instead, he slouched over and suddenly disappeared.

By this time, McKenzie didn't care what was happening. She just needed to get out of there. Now. She started to run out to the exit, but something slammed into her chest, knocking her down, and causing a pain-filled scream to eject from her throat.

"Woah!" exclaimed Luffy.

As McKenzie struggled to get up, she saw new scratches on the side of her blouse. Then she heard the sound of a machine running. She turned around. To her horror, Kuro had started the Dip machine again!

"Ohhh . . . " moaned Usopp.

McKenzie tried to listen closely, despite feeling very light-headed and wide-eyed with pain. Suddenly, she heard the sound of a sword singing through the air. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a row of chains get sliced in half. Before she could run again, she felt something streak across the right side of her face. The force of the attack knocked the poor detective over near some crates.

McKenzie began searching for something, _any_thing, that could help her out. Her hand landed on a 4kids mallet that contained a boxing glove. She grabbed it and decided to take one hopefully lucky shot: right in front of her. As she pressed a button on the mallet, the boxing glove popped out of the top, straight ahead, going fast enough to do some reasonable damage.

To McKenzie's dismay, the boxing glove did not hit Kuro, but it did hit something else: the Dip machine. Or to be more specific, the lever on the Dip machine that controlled the valve from before. And McKenzie had knocked it clean off.

All of the sudden, a massive jet stream of Dip streaked out of the valve, spraying across the room . . . and hitting Kuro square in the back just as he was aiming for McKenzie's chest.

But while Kuro went sailing across the room from the jet stream's pressure, the Dip from the cannon was inching dangerously close to Luffy and the others.

"GOOD BYE, CRUEL WORLD!" wailed Usopp.

But as the Dip streamed out of the valve, the level inside the machine dropped dramatically, causing the stream coming from the cannon to die out.

Sanji almost fainted from relief. Luffy smiled one of his goofy smiles.

"I think I am going to throw up. . ." mumbled Usopp.

"Not while you're tied to me, you're not!" proclaimed Zoro.

McKenzie, meanwhile, watched as the Dip slowly ate away at Kuro, who was now screaming in agony. As she watched the crazy judge slowly dissolve, McKenzie Valiant suddenly felt a strange wave of relief wash over her. She hadn't felt that way in a long time.

Soon, the pirate Kuro, a.k.a. Judge Klahadore, was no more. All that was left in the puddle of Dip was his giant Black Cat coat, his two bloodstained claws. . . and his glasses.

"McKenzie! Do something!"

McKenzie snapped out of her thoughts. She looked up. The Dip machine was still rolling steadily toward Luffy and the others!

"Hurry up McKenzie!" yelled Luffy. "Don't calm down!"

McKenzie ran over as fast as she could, her left arm now hanging uselessly at her side. As soon as she got to the button that controlled the hook, she slammed her good fist down onto it. This moved the hook, and Luffy and his friends, to safety. The Dip machine kept lurching forward, and drove right through the factory wall! Luckily, at that location, there happened to be a railroad track that separated the pirate village from the factory. The four pirates and the detective watched as a massive train suddenly and harmlessly barreled right through the machine, destroying it.

"McKenzie, there's Dip everywhere!" called Luffy. "How're we gonna get down?"

McKenzie limped over to the lever that controlled the water hydrants in the factory and turned it on, full throttle. The hydrants sprayed water all over the floor and immediately spilled down the various drains throughout the factory, taking the poisonous Dip with it.

Then, with the last of her strength, McKenzie pushed one last button that lowered the four pirates to the ground. After that, she was done. She slowly sank to her knees, and pitched herself onto her good arm. As she began to finally give in to unconsciousness, she could hear the very faint voices of the four pirates.

"Got 'em! We're free!"

"Of course, the great Captain Usopp wasn't afraid at all! We sure showed them, huh?"

"Right, Usopp . . . hey, what's wrong with McKenzie-san? McKenzie-san!"

"MCKENZIE!"

Then . . . silence. Darkness. Nothing.

* * *

"Sister Mary Francis, what the hell happened here?" 

McKenzie's ears started working before her eyes did. She immediately recognized the squeaky voice of Chopper ringing in her ears.

"I've seen some pretty nasty things in my days as a doctor, but never anything like this!"

McKenzie slowly opened her eyes. She looked at her left arm. It was bound with bandages and in a sling, and there was a big piece of cloth on her shoulder. She looked down at her blouse. It had been cut off just below her chest, and it was wrapped in bandages, too. She felt the right side of her face. There was a piece of gauze on it.

She turned her head to the side. The police had arrived, led by Lieutenant Selene. Nami, Robin, and Chopper were there as well. So was Dr. K, who had probably bandaged up McKenzie. Even Deon and Melanie Kahn were there. Deon looked especially worried. He had probably seen McKenzie's wounds. Melanie was tightly hugging Luffy, who, of course, had a big grin on his face. Over by Lieutenant Selene was Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp, who were all talking at once, trying to tell her what had happened.

"Okay, tell me this," said Selene, after shushing the three pirates. "Who was that?" She pointed to the puddle of Dip, which still contained Kuro's coat, claws, and glasses.

The three pirates looked at the items, then back at Selene. "Kuro," they all said at once.

"A.k.a. Klahadore," Usopp quickly added.

Selene stared in disbelief. "That was the judge?"

"Valiant!"

The sudden exclamation came from Dr. K. Everyone turned, only to find detective McKenzie Valiant slowly limping toward the others, having a hard time breathing.

"You bet . . . that was the judge," McKenzie gasped between breaths. She pointed at the bloodstained claws. "And those . . .are the same . . .swords that . . . killed Kahn. I think that . . . your boys down at . . . the lab will find . . . a perfect match."

Deon quickly ran over to McKenzie, in case she fell.

Selene couldn't take her eyes off the puddle of Dip. "So the judge killed Al Kahn . . . " she murmured.

"And . . . Mr. Oda. And . . . " McKenzie paused. "And my sister."

Selene, Melanie, and Deon stared in disbelief, and even Dr. K's eyes widened. Suddenly, McKenzie's legs gave way and Deon quickly scooped her into his arms before she fell.

"Now that's what I call a seriously disturbed pirate," said Selene.

Suddenly, a surprised look appeared on Deon's face. "What's that all over your hands?" he asked McKenzie.

McKenzie looked at her hands. There was black ink all over them."Oh yeah. The ink," she said. "The gag princess over there squirted me with some the other night. I have no idea why it's there now."

"Here's your answer!" exclaimed Melanie, taking a small bottle out of her pocket. "4kids disappearing . . . reappearing ink! Oh, my father was a genius, wasn't he? Rest his soul."

Nami scoffed. "Well, if he was such a genius, why didn't leave his will where we could find it?"

"Navigator-san is right," said Robin. "Without it, we're just waiting for another developer's wrecking ball."

McKenzie's eyes suddenly widened in realization. She checked her jean pockets. Then she smiled. "Hey Luffy," she called to the rubber pirate.

Luffy let go of Melanie and ran over. "What is it, McKenzie?" asked Luffy. "Does your arm still hurt?"

McKenzie slowly took a piece of paper out of her pocket. "You said you wanted to see the look on Melanie's face when she got this, right? Why don't you read it to her now?"

"Oh, yeah! My love letter!" exclaimed Luffy, snatching the paper from McKenzie's hands. He turned back toward his girlfriend and began to read. "'Dear Melanie, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . . I, Al Kahn, of sound mind and body . . . ' Hey, wait a minute! I didn't write that!" Luffy exclaimed as different words suddenly began to appear on the paper.

Zoro ran over and looked at the paper. His eyes widened. "It's the will!" he shouted in excitement.

Everyone was shocked. Deon was so surprised that he almost dropped McKenzie.

But McKenzie had expected this. "Keep reading Luffy," she urged, a smile drawing across her lips.

"'. . .do hereby bequeath in perpetuity that the property known as the pirate village to its rambunctious villagers and pirates'!" finished Luffy.

Everyone cheered. Melanie ran over and hugged her boyfriend, almost running right into Zoro, who wisely got out of the way. Selene shook her head in amazement, while Dr. K just watched with a smile on her face. Nami, Robin, Usopp, and Chopper were all laughing, while Zoro and Sanji slightly glanced at each other, as if to say "Good job."

But all eyes were on McKenzie and Deon as they shared the most honest and compassionate kiss they had ever given each other. It seemed perfect . . . well, almost perfect.

"Hey, McKenzie!"

"Luffy, would it kill you to be patient for once in your life?"

"Aw, Zoro . . . "

But as soon as McKenzie's lips separated from Deon's, Luffy smiled again. "Hey, McKenzie, that was a pretty funny song you sang for the Black Cats," the rubber pirate said excitedly. "Does this mean that your days as a sourpuss are over?"

McKenzie smiled. "Only time will tell," she said simply.

"Oh," said Luffy. He suddenly extended his hand. "Well then, put 'er there, pal!"

McKenzie gladly took Luffy's hand.

ZZZZZZZT!

The sound of Luffy's 4kids buzzer seemed like the loudest thing in the room. Everyone grew silent. McKenzie, who apparently did not appreciate the joke, glared at Luffy.

Selene and Dr. K exchanged worried looks, while Nami clutched her head in her hands. Usopp and Chopper's jaws had dropped.

"Luffy . . . " groaned Zoro.

Melanie shot a disapproving look at her boyfriend, while Deon's eyes widened as he looked at McKenzie, to Luffy, then back to McKenzie.

"What?" asked Luffy. "Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already."

"Does this answer your question?" asked McKenzie. She suddenly reached out with her good arm and grabbed Luffy around the neck. She then pulled him forward and gave him a good, long kiss on the lips.

"YECH!" yelled Luffy when he was finally able to pull away from the detective. Then he began to laugh, everyone soon joining in.

"What do you say we all get out of here?" asked Nami. "Doesn't this call for a celebration?"

All seven pirates, along with Melanie Kahn and Deon, still holding McKenzie Valiant, began to walk out of the bar, all laughing. McKenzie was laughing the most.

Lieutenant Selene and Dr. K watched as the group made their way out of the factory.

"Boy, ain't it a trip where heroes come from," said Selene.

Dr. K nodded. "Something tells me that McKenzie won't be needing my assistance for a long time."

As Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, McKenzie, Deon, and Melanie walked down the Miami streets, a joyous song could be heard all around the city streets.

"_Smile, darn ya smile!_

_You know that this world _

_is a great world after all . . . _"

* * *

**Author's note**: Well, that's the end of McKenzie Valiant's adventure with Monkey D. Luffy. And hopefully, it's the beginning of a new story. 

If you've already been to my profile page, you know that I'm planning to write a parody of the book _Holes_. But there's one thing I'm missing: characters! I've already decided on Eddy from _Ed Edd n Eddy _as Stanley, but I need suggestions for the other characters. They can be from any show, not just _Ed Edd n Eddy_. Like I say, many shows mean many possibilities. For more details, check my profile page. Until then, happy reading! -**AMX**


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